MY LIFE AND TIMES...THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY

Thanksgiving week...I want to throw up!

2009-11-30T12:33:00.000-08:00

Well, going into Thanksgiving week I was pretty happy. The boys were to come over and spend a few hours with everyone to include their grandparents. It was supposed to be a good time. Then they were supposed to go over to their mother's about 330pm. That's not how it went down. Let me explain. I got a call from my ex on Friday and didn't see it. I figured it was about child support, NBD. I happened to see my phone and it was her. I pick it up, say hello and hear her crying. I ask "what's wrong?" She goes on to tell me that she got a 3-day eviction notice. Lovely. I immediately think about my youngest son and him be HOMELESS! I eventually bring it up to my wife as we are driving somewhere later that day. She almost immediately suggested that they should move in with us. She did that purely based upon the love she has for me and how I feel about the boys. I love that woman! So, I go into 'fix the exes situation' mode. I call her and tell her my wife's sollution to her problem. She immediately says NO! I expected that. After many hours of cajoling and our youngest threatening to never see her again if she goes to a shelter, she finally agrees. She has no other option.

I take two extra days of vacation to move her out and clean their apt. She stays at work while we do the dirty work. The only positive here is that I pulled all of the boys stuff and boxed it up to give them in the future. She wanted it all thrown away! Her attitude was complete SHIT. I don't blame her. We get that done on Tuesday. Wednesday the boys and I go to Gamers so my youngest can sell his PS2 console and games to get money for his mom. Later that afternoon they go to the laundry mat. I get a call from my youngest that they need a ride. His older bro had left them to go with a friend. I get there and their mom is TRIPPIN' THE FUCK OUT! She has been drinking her JD and is upset that she has been left behind by her oldest son. After an hour and a 1/2 I finally get them home and had folded all the clothes. We get in the house and my youngest pulls me into the back bedroom and says "I have to tell you something". My ex and current wife were trying to have a serious discussion that the former was ignoring. My youngest tells me that my oldest had been caught stealing wii remotes at Walmart and was in jail. It was everything I could do to keep the top of my head on. I told him 'ok' and that I would take care of it. I go into the living room and break up the girls party by telling them the news I just got, to their horror. We all immediately drive down to the jail to see if we can see him to no avail. The Officer says he is doing fine. My wife and I go back to the jail to get his keys.

I got a phone call from him at 1:18am on 11.24.09. He was very apologetic of course. I didn't get all worked up and chew his butt. He knew what he did and why he was there. The next morning his mom made all kinds of calls to everyone she knew that might be able to help. She got the CO. Sheriff. He made a phone call to the judge and explained the situation. He was let go on a signature bond and brought home Thanksgiving morning. He's one lucky young man. He's not out of the woods yet though. If this ends up a felony he probably won't be able to teach like he wants to. Grandma and Grandpa showed up about 130pm. Grandpa didn't want to come in as he doesn't care for the boys mother. I had to convince him into coming in. Dinner wasn't bad except for the mashed potatoes, which weren't mashed very well ha!

Colleen is regretting her decision to have the ex over. She has tried to explain how she feels in 10 different ways thinking that I DIDN'T GET IT. I got it and gave her a bit of her own medicine. I asked her how HER ex felt when she moved in a BOYFRIEND when HE was STILL living there. She got the point and said it was below the belt. That wasn't my intent...but I got my point across with her. We unfortunately went to bed upset with one another. I think we are still a bit raw (like my peter at the moment ha). We will get through it........somehow.

GPAC FOOTBALL OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE WEEK

2009-11-09T14:36:00.000-08:00

GPAC Football Week #10 Honors
The Great Plains Athletic Conference (GPAC) and Hauff Mid-America Sports are proud to announce the following football players-of-the-week for games played on Saturday, November 7, 2009. Hauff Mid-America Sports is the presenting sponsor of the 2009-2010 GPAC Players-of-the-Week and Players and Coaches-of-the-Year awards program.

Hauff Mid-America Sports/GPAC Football Players-of-the-WeekOffense - Anthony Dunn, Quarterback - Doane. Doane quarterback Anthony Dunn is this week's GPAC/Hauff Mid-America Sports Offensive Player-of-the-Week. Dunn, a sophomore from Papillion, Nebraska, completed 73% of his passes on Saturday (24-33) as the Tigers defeated Nebraska Wesleyan 38-17. For the day he passed for 274 yards and three touchdowns. The win by Doane over Nebraska Wesleyan was their first since 2002 and gives them the series lead at 45-44-6 in the 95 year old rivalry. Doane will close the 2009 season at Dana next Saturday at 1PM.

WHAT A SUCK ASS WEEKEND!

2009-08-31T14:01:00.000-07:00

All last week I was geared up to watch my youngest son Alex play cross-town rival Papillion on Friday night and then make the drive to Platte City, MO to watch the oldest quarterback his team to a victory against Avila College. I certainly got to watch them both play but wasn't happy with the outcomes of either.

The Titans got blown out 38-7. How did Alex play? He made a few plays here and there @ MLB and made a few good blocks at FB but was tired and standing straight up and down most of the time and played slow. We then found out after the game that he has had an injury to a nerve in his foot for 2 weeks now. PLVS stunk up the place in my book. They don't have a viable QB nor do they have a RB. The 2 big fellas at DE didn't do jack and when they were both put at FB and RB respectively, they did jack. I certainly don't think their coach is very good after watching him for nearly 6 years. Whatever...my oldest may end up working for him someday. I kinda hope not. I hope he takes the other job offered over the summer...at least THAT school puts a WINNER on the field! Speaking of my oldest...

Anthony's game was a defensive struggle that ended in a 9-6 loss. Doane was picked to win by a couple of td's by football pundits, largely based on his arm. The drove the ball down the field most every drive but just couldn't finish and score. Anthony had 3 int's and a fumble all by himself. One of those his coach took responsibility for. The fumble the defender put his hat right on the ball. Better on the ball than in the small of his back. The receivers aren't aggressive at all. There were balls that should've been caught. He DID have 31 yards rushing in the game though! That is definitely a PB for him lol. It was nice to see him tuck and run when he needed to. The 1st half he played fairly well moving them with ease down the field, but they just couldn't finish what they started. Let's hope that against Hastings they can do better. I think Hastings is ranked at # 23 or something. I think they proved they could run a bit...but will that translate into a passing game? Avila employed a cover 3 defense which means they have 3 guys deep playing the pass and 1 guy left underneath to blitz. They did blitz quite a bit...good luck next week son's o' mine.

I love you both and wish you the best this coming week!

On top of that...I got upset with my new bride for no good reason. I'm sorry Colleen. I feel HORRIBLE that I got on you in Platte City. I suck as a husband. Thank the Good Lord that you love me like you do because I certainly didn't treat you like I should've this past w/e. Love you baby!

100 YEARS

2009-08-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

Well...went to Chicago again for the 2nd time this year. That makes it 2 times to both Chicago and the West Coast. We had to go for Colleen's grandma's 100th birthday celebration. Not a bad trip. I did a drawing of her grandma when she was 18. It was a big hit with everyone to include her grandma. Colleen, Judy and myself got a bit tipsy on Saturday night after the festivities and had about a 4 hour conversation about their family, politics, religion and yes sex. I wasn't comfortable with the sex talk, especially when her Uncle John came home. Oh well. Connor was acting up horribly. I guess he thought because we were out of Omaha and around extended family that he didn't have to listen to me. Ok, done for now. New marriage going well...

DRINKING AND MY BOYS

2009-08-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

Well...I have to put this down to mark it in time I guess. I have found out in the last 2 weeks that BOTH of my sons have had a drink. My oldest (19) got drunk the summer after his Senior year the night before a State baseball game. The entire team went to someones house and they all got drunk. He drank a couple of other times also. My youngest (17) said he has drank a couple of times NOT getting drunk. I am pretty disappointed in them. My oldest is in college. Could I expect that he NOT do it when it goes on around him like a hurricane all the time? I knew he would at some time experiment. I am REALLY shocked at my youngest doing it. Heck, they both would come home in past years and talk about what they saw at parties and such. I don't drink very often if at all. I have to be in the right mood to do it. I just can't sit down and have a beer and watch a football game. It's not me. Now, their mom...that's a different story. She likes to drink the hard stuff, vodka and Jack Daniels. I have been over to the boys house and have seen bottles of liquor out in the open on a consistant basis. I think she self medicates to a certain degree. Can I ultimately blame it on me? Probably. I AM disappointed though. I don't know that the boys have ever seen me drunk or could at least remember a time when they saw me that way. Their mom on the other hand is a different story. She had an episode a couple years ago when she just freaked out and was yelling and screaming and just acting all together crazy. She kicked our 17 year old out a couple times that evening. She also blew up my phone with her rantings. On a positive note in regards to her, she FINALLY got her drivers license at 45 years of age. She said she HAD one in her early 20's just before I met her. I never physically saw the thing. Who cares. * sidenote: she failed it the 1st time she took it. Didn't even make it out of the parking lot and had failed. LOL

I TOOK THE PLUNGE...AGAIN!

2009-07-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

Well...I did it. I took the plunge again. I found a great girl and after nearly a year and a half...I made her an honest woman. Like the song says that I'm listening to right now...love isn't always on time, but it was in this case. I'm happy which isn't something I could say for many years. She is the best of all the women I have had relationships with. Let me take a bit of time to relate the story of our nuptuals. I asked her father for her hand in marriage. He agreed. So, I asked her to marry me on our 1 year anniversary 2.28.09. We were at a restaraunt called Anthony's. As we were heading out the door that evening she asked me "did you remember EVERYTHING?", letting me know that she was EXPECTING me to ask her. We got to the restaraunt and had dinner and as the band started playing I tried to let her down gently, telling her that tonight was not the night. She got a pained look on her face but then smiled and said ok. We proceeded to have a nice time as I knew I had the ring in my pocket the whole time. Finally the time was right to pop the question. I pulled out the ring and proposed. She got the biggest smile on her face and said "YES!" The she screamed "I'M ENGAGED, I'M ENGAGED!" The table full of women sitting next to us had been watching and congratulated her and someone gave me a big kiss on the cheek. She was VERY happy to say the least. Let's fast forward a few months. My mom mentioned that they were going to California in July and suggested that we come along and get married in Las Vegas. Now, we hadn't set a date at that point, so going to Las Vegas became a possible reality. Dad iced the deal when he offered to pay for our meals and hotel rooms. How can you pass THAT up? We agreed. We put a budget together and had a goal of taking as much $ as possible. As luck would have it we ended up to close to our goal in $. That was with some help from God, believe me. We were on the verge of not even being able to go and He took care of things and put some people in our way to help take care of things. God is great! Now, I had mapped out our trip getting us just a couple of hours from Las Vegas before stopping for some much needed sleep. Dad had in his mind stopping at Grand Junction, CO which is just over half way. That would leave 500 miles and at LEAST 8-9 hours of driving. I tried to gently persuade him to go a bit further but he would'nt budge. So, we leave about 630pm from Epply Airfield parking and head west. We get into Grand Junction about 6am Colorado time and get a room. We all head to our rooms for some sleep. Waking up early afternoon we headed to the local mall as I had forgot my tie and mom had forgot her bell bottom jeans that Dad had wanted her to wear in the dryer at home. While they were looking for jeans Dad and I drove down the street to wash the bugs off the car. As he pulled into the auto wash he hit the guide and put a nice gash in the front right rim. Would you believe that he didnt notice it the whole time we were with them? Anyway, we go to dinner and go to bed later. We got up the next morning and Dad suggests breakfast. Colleen and I look at eachother KNOWING that it's 8-9 hours to Vegas and not saying anything. About 1/2 way through breakfast (it was about 9am) he asked the waitress how far it was to Vegas. She tells him it's about 9 hours. His jaw drops. Under NORMAL circumstances it would'nt be a big deal. Here's the RUB. We had to get there (Vegas) in time to go to the courthouse and get our licence, get back to the hotel and get ready, then get to the Little White Wedding Chapel all before the show (that mom paid for) at 830pm. Well...we didn't make it of course. We got to Vegas about 330pm and got checked in by around 4pm. Colleen and I had to take a taxi downtown to get our license. It was $50 round trip. Then Colleen had some lady come in and do her hair. The 1st incarnation was her hair all curly and not what I THOUGHT she was going to get done. They asked me if I liked it. I stated that I thought it was going to be up. It got fixed. I ended up ironing my shirt, pants and jacket as well as Dad and Mom's shirts. My USMC training paid off eh? We finally go downstairs and found a taxi/van to take us to the chapel. The driver wasn't sure where it was grrrrr! We get there about 805pm! The show at the Excalibur was supposed to start in 25 minutes. I was stressing. Colleen put on her dress only to find out that they didn't offer a steamer of any kind there. She was on the verge of tears as her dress was somewhat wrinkled. I tried to calm her down. It didn't work. Mom ended up paying the cost of the wedding also. I was very surprised at this. I paid the $50 for the taxi earlier as well as the $100 for the updo for Colleens hair. So, I was appreciative that she paid for that. We finally got in to the chapel and the pastor was very kind. He asked Colleen if she was nervous and she said yes. He asked her NOT to lock her knees and then lowered his tone and spoke calmly to her and she seemed to calm down a bit. Dad walked Colleen down the isle and I walked Mom down to the front also. They were renewing their vows. We had a short but emotional ceremony and slid the rings on each others fingers, kissed passionately and we were married! Whew! It was stressful but ended well. We spent the night at the Excalibur, had a great meal (at $32 a plate) and some passionate dot, dot, dot and then went out into the Las Vegas night to take a few pictures. The next morning we got up and drove up the coast of California to visit my Grandma and Aunt Lori. It was way more relaxing at this point. We flew out of Oakland, CA back to Omaha as man and wife to live out our days. No FAILING this time!

JULY 4TH WEEK

2009-07-06T07:34:00.000-07:00

Well...it was an interesting week in the Dunn household. Why you ask? We had 2 more Dunn's in the fold, my younger bro Nick and his 6 year old son and my nephew Hunter. They came in the previous Saturday. I hadn't met Hunter so I was really looking forward to them coming. They finally came outside at the airport as I pulled up. I saw Nick and looked for Hunter. He walked by the car with his bag in tow and peered inside the car looking specifically for me. Our eyes met and we both smiled. I was elated! I got out to help them put their bags inside the car and Nick was already teared up. We gave eachother a long brotherly hug. I was a bit surprised at how he looked though. He had a couple days growth, all of it being nearly white. He was balding more so than I had remembered and his face was a bit puffy I thought. He just didn't look healthy. I gave Hunter a hug and we were on our way. We ended up going to NC the next day to see Mom and Dad. When we got there Colleen and I purposely hung outside to give Nick, Mom and Dad a bit of privacy as they got acquainted again. Colleen took Mom to Wally World and bought what seemed like the store! I wasn't real happy about it, but Mom offered. It was interesting being around a 6 year old again. Hunter seemed to be very sure about himself. He's a cute little guy also. He liked to wrestle and use me as a punching bag. The week went as it did with Nick and Hunter going to NC on Tuesday afternoon. They came back Thursday morning. We were supposed to go to the zoo on Friday but it rained. We all went to see the new Transformers movie which was pretty good. Saturday came and we again went to NC in hopes of watching the fireworks.

A LOT GOING ON...

2009-06-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well...a lot going on these days. I have a submission in a t-shirt design contest that is garnering a lot of votes. I...well Colleen set up a business email address for any kind of art I do for people from tats to portraits. Mom is going to get some sort of settlement and we possibly are going with them to California with a stop off in Reno or Las Vegas to get married. I guess my main reason for coming on here is to vent a bit...well sort of. Colleen and I kind of got into it yesterday. I continue to get railed on by her and my parents about Jackie and her asking me for money in regards to the boys. I had to get firm with her and tell her that I could "leave" or "LEAVE". I didn't want to "LEAVE" of course but I felt I had to give her an 'out'. If she couldn't put up with Jackie's SHIT, then at least she had the opportunity to "LEAVE". That upset her greatly which made me sad of course. What did I expect her to do...

JACKIE AND HER ROTTEN MOUTH...

2009-05-19T08:19:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from convo's with the EX 4.29.08 - 5.30.08. I sent this to her yesterday after she said she has never said anything mean about Colleen. I thought I would put it down her for posterity. SOMEONE TELL ME...DOES THIS CONSTITUTE HARRASSMENT?

j_dunn2008 (4/29/2008 8:47:33 AM): I dont care you made your choices but dont tell you to are not sitting at games talking about me and dont tell me you have not tried to hurt me intentionally +
j_dunn2008 (4/29/2008 9:35:22 AM): let her know that I am back on so she can sign out your an ASS

j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:35:34 PM): SHE IS FUCKING UGLY AND SHE LOOKS LIKE A WHORE THERE ANY ONE CAN LOOK GOOD WITH TOUCH UP PHOTOS
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:36:10 PM): you think you found some one better you fucking asshole she is ugly
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:36:47 PM): FUCK YUO AND YOU FIND SOME WHERE ELSE TO DO THE VIDEO
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:36:58 PM): FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:41:18 PM): You are not welcome over my house at all
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:41:25 PM): You are a fucking looser
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:42:00 PM): you can take pictures of all your whores for all I care she is ugly and that is it
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:43:10 PM): FUCK YOU BILL SHE IS A FAT UGLY WHORE
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:50:12 PM): I am about to leave a nice little message for her to
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:56:11 PM): Bill she is ugly you can think what you want. Like I said you think you found someone better and prettier and what ever but you have not Bill
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 2:57:28 PM): you think and she thinks she is prettier and better well you both are wrong
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 2:57:40 PM): WOW...
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 2:57:53 PM): its NOT a competition jackie
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 2:57:57 PM): QUIT IT
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 3:02:55 PM): did you forward those to all your buddies you asshole
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 3:05:50 PM): I am sure you two are getting your jollies laughing at me right Bill
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 3:14:44 PM): the reasons im with her have nothing to do with you jackie
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 3:14:53 PM): its NOT a competition
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 3:15:11 PM): it doesnt matter WHO she is...you will feel the same way
b_dunn2003 (5/1/2008 3:15:25 PM): (insert name here) is ugly...
j_dunn2008 (5/1/2008 3:16:00 PM): no she is ugly

b_dunn2003 (5/5/2008 11:38:14 AM): really...you should be embarrassed at how you are acting...
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:38:31 AM): Well that is up to you I am very nice. No I should not be embarrassed Bill
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:38:35 AM): You have lost it
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:39:18 AM): You both could give two shits about me Bill so dont even go there
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:39:38 AM): You both are worried about your own lives and making each other happy only
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:39:42 AM): Dont get me started
b_dunn2003 (5/5/2008 11:40:26 AM): you are SO selfish
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:40:47 AM): She figures she has her claws in you and you and the hell with the rest of us no you Bill you are selfish
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:41:19 AM): Dont call me selfish Bill because I am far from it and you know it
b_dunn2003 (5/5/2008 11:41:42 AM): you are selfish by assuming WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 11:42:52 AM): I know what you think and what you sent me is exactly what you think of me you dont think I am adequate or assertive or anything you think I am stupid
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 1:13:04 PM): You think you two are so high on your horse you both are hypocrits Bill
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:26:45 PM): Yes you do you think you are better than other people Bill well you are not better than me Bill
b_dunn2003 (5/5/2008 2:29:13 PM): wow...you NEVER knew me then...
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:39:01 PM): Like I said it does not matter
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:39:20 PM): Two years and we dont even have to look at each other
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:40:59 PM): and I will be forgotten but I am dead serious that when my time comes you are not to be anywhere near me, not at my funeral not at the hospital not anyone.
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:41:06 PM): anywhere
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:42:16 PM): Because I will not give you the opportunity to dance on my grave
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 2:44:18 PM): how do you like those apples Bill Dunn
j_dunn2008 (5/5/2008 3:54:07 PM): She is rolling in the money and you have no worries

j_dunn2008 (5/8/2008 8:10:13 AM): FUCK YOU BILL
j_dunn2008 (5/9/2008 3:34:17 PM): You did a poor ass job showing any kind of appreciation for me. Dont say anything because it does not matter I dont care anymore but he cant buy me a gift but he wants to spend all his money on a bike. I am not worth anything to them. Nothing. I am so tired of being treated and feeling like shit
b_dunn2003 (5/13/2008 7:47:48 AM): ok...where is the GOODBYE BILL FOREVER email im supposed to get???
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 7:50:55 AM): you dont need one pig
b_dunn2003 (5/13/2008 7:51:36 AM): oh...now I'm a pig?
b_dunn2003 (5/13/2008 7:51:48 AM): why am i a pig?
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 7:52:17 AM): you both are
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 7:53:32 AM): you both are pigs Bill I am glad you have some one who fills are your needs you you can send her this convo big pig whore
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 7:58:00 AM): I HATE YOU AND WHAT YOU HAVE DOEN TO ME
b_dunn2003 (5/13/2008 7:59:47 AM): wow jackie...you know...each person is an individual and is treated as such. you take everything and treat it like a competition...why I dont know. that is on you. go ahead and hate me. do wht you need to do. i havent done one single solitary thing to purposely hurt since moving out...
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 8:01:41 AM): YOU BOTH PIGS AND SHE BETTER WHAT A ROLE MODEL FOR HER DAUGHTER PIG PIG PIG
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 8:02:37 AM): Tell her to check her off line messages the pig
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 8:25:21 AM): WHAT A PIG WHORE
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 8:25:28 AM): I will tell her that to her face
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 8:28:49 AM): SHE IS A PIG
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 11:08:47 AM): Her actions say it all she is a PIG
j_dunn2008 (5/13/2008 11:22:17 AM): I just want to scream and hit myself over and over and over that is how I feel seeing those pictures and knowing you are having sex all the time and you called her the love of your life what the hell Bill and you never knew anyone like her
b_dunn2003 (5/13/2008 11:25:54 AM): get a freakin grip
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:00:57 PM): HATE YOU
b_dunn2003 (5/14/2008 3:00:58 PM): TIRED ARGUEMENT
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:01:00 PM): HATE YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:01:03 PM): HATE YOU
b_dunn2003 (5/14/2008 3:01:08 PM): OH WELL...
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:01:10 PM): YOU LOW LIFE LOOOSER
b_dunn2003 (5/14/2008 3:01:34 PM): is it your job to just piss me off now?
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:01:51 PM): YOU TWO INCH NEEDLE DICK AND I AM SURE SHE IS FAKING LIKE THE REST OF US YOU SUCKED IN BED
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:02:17 PM): YOU DIGUSTING PIG
b_dunn2003 (5/14/2008 3:02:25 PM): i guess i really never knew you...
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:02:40 PM): NO I REALLY NEVER KNEW YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:02:42 PM): YOU PIGG
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:02:55 PM): SHE IS JUST AS BAD
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:02:58 PM): YOU WHORES
b_dunn2003 (5/14/2008 3:03:28 PM): jealous, jealous, jealous....sad Jackie
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:04:23 PM): SHE IS A WHOR
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:04:30 PM): WHORE
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:04:33 PM): WHORE
j_dunn2008 (5/14/2008 3:04:35 PM): WHORE
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 8:41:10 AM): FUCK YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 8:41:44 AM): YOU ARE AN ASS ASSS ASS ASS ASS ASS
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 8:43:16 AM): FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 11:46:19 AM): I dont resepect you
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:10:43 PM): Her actions have caused my disgust for her now
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:10:55 PM): what actions?
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:02 PM): they have NOTHING to do with YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:11:06 PM): Dont tell me she does not want me out of your life
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:09 PM): you are not GOD
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:24 PM): she has said NOTHING....
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:40 PM): because I keep it away from her...
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:11:41 PM): is that what she told you She is not God
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:52 PM): YOU ARE NOT GOD...
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:11:53 PM): keep what away from her
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:11:54 PM): YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:12:09 PM): Oh yes that is right you protect her
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:12:16 PM): that is what love is right
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:12:17 PM): you are and have been just outright MEAN...
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:12:19 PM): MEAN
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:12:22 PM): MEAN
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:12:24 PM): MEAN
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:12:26 PM): MEAN
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:13:00 PM): no I have not Bill
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:14:03 PM): OMG....
b_dunn2003 (5/15/2008 1:14:16 PM): you have been MEAN and UGLY
j_dunn2008 (5/15/2008 1:14:35 PM): yep that is me mean and ugly
j_dunn2008 (5/26/2008 2:40:04 PM): I hope you are happy you got what you want Bill. You and Colleen do not have to worry about me nay more. You have told me what I was this week a nag a complainer sorry for talking to you about anything in my life. I am done you have taken every aspect of my lif and ruined it. You said you were trying to look for a slice of happiness and in the process destroyed me. Thank you. I am dead to you. You have destroyed me. I am so sorry that I felt so desperate to have to have married you and I am so sorry that you are the father of my children. You have taken my heart and stomped it. You can mock my tears as Colleen did at the game saying it was for attention not knowing anything but what you told her about our relationship. Thank you for making feeling worthless and of no val
j_dunn2008 (5/26/2008 2:41:47 PM): Good luck Bill you are no longer welcomed in my home do not ask me for anything.
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 10:39:54 AM): fuck you
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 10:46:12 AM): she is a liar
b_dunn2003 (5/27/2008 10:46:16 AM): ok....
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 10:46:20 AM): she has manipulated
b_dunn2003 (5/27/2008 10:49:51 AM): How have I lied? Or manipulated? I have not even attempted to bother her.
b_dunn2003 (5/27/2008 10:50:02 AM): I have not sought her out
b_dunn2003 (5/27/2008 10:50:11 AM): Or even tried to communicate with her unless it was in a positive way
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 10:50:34 AM): tell her to not even talk to me
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 10:51:00 AM): LEAVE ME ALONE
b_dunn2003 (5/27/2008 10:51:06 AM): you are WRONG and you KNOW IT.
j_dunn2008 (5/27/2008 11:03:55 AM): I have not bashed her unless you said I did
j_dunn2008 (5/28/2008 12:22:12 PM): I cant wait until you are both dethroned
j_dunn2008 (5/28/2008 3:11:32 PM): I HATE YOU
j_dunn2008 (5/29/2008 1:37:02 PM): YOU MAY BE DEAD SOONER

KISS N' MAKEUP APPLIES HERE...

2009-04-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

I though I would stop by and update this here thing and let you (or me in the future as my memory for things go) that Alex and I had a long discussion about the incident below. He explained what he actually meant by what he said. He also said that he would NEVER think to do that in PERSON of course. When he said he didn't respect me, what he was actually saying was that he didn't respect some of the DECISIONS I have made in the past. That is very fair. He feels I am a "dick" for leaving him, his brother and his Mom. Fair enough I told him. I have explained the WHOLE situation and reason why I left their MOM and NOT them per se. I obviously can sympathize with him and wish that it didn't have to leave that way. I didn't try to change his mind. But, as we were talking he brought up a couple things that he remembered WRONG. They just happen to be attached to my LEAVING. The 1st time I left and moved to Arkansas, he remembers me JUST LEAVING. He didn't recall that I had moved out a FULL 5 months earlier and was living with a friend. I was at the house so much anyway, he didn't know any different. As for 5.25.07...he said he got home that night to find his Mom crying her eyes out at 2am. He said that I had JUST LEFT without a word. Again, I had to tell him that I had sat down both him and his brother a FULL 2 weeks earlier. I saw his eyes shift to one side as if he was trying to recall that conversation and a wave of realization came over his face and he shook his head in acknowledgement. I don't blame him for being upset. I KNEW him and I in particular were going to have this conversation at some point. I actually figured around the time he was 25. I'm glad we got it over with now. It was VERY hard to hear him say some of the things he said and hear the pain he was dealing with. I had a very hard time that week. I was VERy angry as he was and took it out on those around me unfortunately. I'm sorry. But, we were able to sit down and hash it out and are getting along GREAT again and that makes me so very happy! I'm sure one of these days Anthony will snap. I don't look forward to that day. I want to relate a quick incident before I forget. Sunday Anthony had a double header @ Doane. The night before Colleen and I had went over to Alex's girlfriends house to take pictures before they went to prom. The boys Mom had a HUGE issue with Colleen coming with me. I don't understand WHY at this point...it's been nearly TWO years and probably 5 or more that we even ACTED like a couple. We got to Al's gf's house and were walking up the sidewalk and out comes H's Mom to great us. She was warm and friendly. I took it like she wanted to protect J's feelings but be a good host at the same time, which I had no problem with. I'm sure H's parents were curious about me anyway. The both really like Alex. Things went off without a hitch and we left shortly after the kids left out of respect for J as she was supposed to watch a movie with H's Mom. No problem. The next day we drove to Doane to NOT find J and Alex there. I get a call just after the 1st game started with an exasperated and high pissed off J wanting to know the score, inning etc. of the game. I asked why they weren't there. She went on to YELL that Alex didn't want to take her! WOW I thought to myself. I was upset that Al wasn't taking care of his Mom but a bit proud that he stood up to her. She proceeded to text my phone non-stop for about an hour. I found out she had drank nearly a 5th of Jack that afternoon. Geesh! On top of that...Alex didn't get yelled at ONCE. I got the brunt of her anger. What's new. I also found out that my oldest broke up with his gf. He said that she had too many expectation of him. His plate was full without her at college and was spilling over WITH her. She is a sweet girl and as I told him, SAFE. His Mom said many times that he had their future all planned out. I said many times that he SHOULDN'T have a gf in college and he eventually agreed. That last comment has NOTHING to do with his former gf. I would bet at some point they end up going back out actually...unless she leaves Doane as is her proclivatey. I have told the boys many times to go break some hearts, get their hearts broken and figure out what they like and don't like in a relationship. Their Mom twists that into me telling them to go out and bend over every chick they see...NO! Anthony promptly went out a couple of days later and played video games at a buddies house and talked until 3am, then him and his roomie walked back to the dorms. When he told me this (Colleen and I took him out to eat after the games) he had the biggest smile on his face. Pure happiness. I am happy for him. Nobody needs to be tied down during college. That is a time to find yourself...grow...test your character and hang out with the fellas and play video games HA HA. I have discussed with him at length about drinking in college. His Mom and I next to never drank around them and always talked about the evils of drinking. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that as of this writing, he HAS taken a drink. I went on to tell him that IF that was the case then at the very least, do it responsibly. DO NOT drink and drive and don't ride with anybody that has been drinking. I am NOT condoning drinking here but I realize the REALITY of college life. He has told me on numerous occasions that everyone around him drinks and/or "smokes the dope" (Detroit Rock City reference there). So, it is all around him. I hope his character can push him through it. But I'm a realist. He just may take a drink at some point during college. I just want him to do it responsibly. He has a stellar reputation to protect also. There would be SO many people disappointed in him if he got in some kind of trouble regarding drinking...so many. Alex is pretty hard core against it, which is good. They both have seen their Mom at her worst drunk, ranting and raving. THAT wasn't fun. Anyway...I'm all typed out for now and my fingers are getting stiff. I'll put a pic or 2 on here. Enjoy.

KISS N' MAKEUP? YES!

2009-03-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

Well...my son and I sat down and talked things out. The conversation went well. He wanted to wait until Sunday, but I couldn't wait that long and pushed for last Thursday. It was his 6 month anniversary and didn't want to give up his time with his girlfriend. I had to enlist the help of him Mom. She agreed with me for once and asked that she not be there. So, we sat down and hashed things out. He was all worked up about a couple incidents that happened in the past such as the 2 times I left the family. His perception was that I just up and left them while living there. I explained that his Mom and I were separtated at that time and I was living with a co-worker by the name of James. I had to ask his Mom into the room to verify and she did. Then he brought up the second time, 5.25.07. He said I just up and left. He came home to find his Mom crying at 2am. He said "You just left without saying anything!" I told him that I had sat down him and his brother 2 weeks prior. He gave me a look like...wow, ok. We hugged and said I love you at the end of the talk. I walked away only somewhat satisfied. I could'nt quite figure out what was wrong. I layed awake each night after that with a heavy heart. I finally said something to Colleen about it. I reached out to her. Really a first for me. I've always been one to work things out in my own head. This was a little bigger than me. She found a few verses in the Bible for me. That helped somewhat, but there was something still lingering. I finally realized that what I needed to do to ultimately forgive myself. I had to see in the boys EYES that they forgave me. I normally hang out with Alex on Wednesday evenings. I told him after I got engaged that I wasn't exactly comfortable coming over and hanging with him and his Mom and that he needed to start coming over to Colleen's. He seemed fine with it. See above post...I must've got interrupted when I started this...geesh.

ME, MY YOUNGEST AND I

2009-03-12T07:46:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well...I never thought I would come on here and be able to say that I had a HUGE falling out with one of my sons, but I did. My youngest has always been independent...now I have to add, to a fault. It saddens me to even put it on here, but I feel the need if anything, to not forget. Anthony stepped up and said...

Him: (3/11/2009 11:58:08 AM): I love you too. Why are you feeling bad. You must have done something right to have Alex and I be the way we are...

ME: I'm having to call all of that into question at the moment...I'm sitting her crying like a little girl at the moment.

Him: Why?

Me: I failed with Alex, failed. I failed with you in some ways also.

Him: Everyone fails at some point somehow it is life. No one is perfect

And the boys Mom said this in response to my letter to Alex dated 3/11/09.

Very nice and yes as I said a clean slate for everyone and I will talk to Alex tonight and yes Bill, I may not have forgiven you years ago or maybe even a week ago, but I have forgiven you now. I wish with all my heart it could have been different. You and I had this discussion today and to some degree it helped me breathe.

I will say this, this is my family and I won’t let anything tear it apart anymore.

Here is part of the letter I sent to Alex.

Yesterday was probably one of the saddest days of my life Alex. I would have never guessed that MY son would have been as ABSOLUTELY DISRESPECTFUL as you were. That is NOT how you were raised. I can understand you being upset and/or disappointed with how things have gone with your Mom and I. I can’t understand your need to cut me to the bone with your words. A word to the wise though…you shouldn’t say things through a text or letter that you wouldn’t be willing to say in PERSON. Just a thought.

I have to ask you a question. Do you BELIEVE in what you put on your chest? What does it say again? “In God, I trust”. I WAS proud that you have the type of faith that you would be able to show the world. It warmed my heart quite honestly. But after yesterday I have to wonder if you truly know what it means to put your trust in the Lord? At this point don’t attempt to turn this religious discussion to ask what MY relationship with God is. I have had a relationship with God since I was 9 years old. I have never worn it on my sleeve but am grateful that you found God in your own way and that your Mom got you to church. Anyway, can you tell me what the 5th of the Ten Commandments is? How about 'Honor your father and your mother.' Does that ring a bell with you Alex? Ever read that one before? Let me share a few more scriptures with you…

Honor they mother and the father that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. Exodus 20:12.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4

Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you. Deuteronomy 5:16

Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck. Proverbs 1:8-9

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Colossians 3:20

Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Proverbs 23:22

Stop listening to instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge. Proverbs 19:27

If a man curses his father or mother, his lamp will be snuffed out in pitch darkness. Proverbs 20:20

The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the vultures. Proverbs 30:17

Now, if you truly believe in the “symbol” of your faith that you put on your chest for all eternity, then those scriptures I copied and pasted above will have to ring true. Correct?

Ok, I have copied and pasted our conversation to refresh your memory.

ME: you...me...TONIGHT...between 630 and 7. i dont care WHAT you have going on. OK?
YOU: I can't

At this point as your FATHER, I am OWED the common courtesy of a SIMPLE explanation as to WHAT you are doing that is MORE important that talking with ME. You will be a father in the future and DEMAND that same COMMON COURTESY.

ME: how about a good explanation as to WHY
ME: or do u feel you dont have to now cuz your 17
YOU: Thats a good enough one i guess

Ok…at this point, I OBVIOUSLY lose it. TOTAL disrespect on your part. Read the scriptures above son of mine to figure out why it’s WRONG if you haven’t figured it out already.

ME: are you being serious? who the fuck do you think you are son of mine? are you that bold that you think you can get away with saying that to me?
ME: well pal...guess what, im still your father...
ME: guess what son o mine...you WILL be talking to me tonight...
ME: i EXPECT that you will be at the house between 630 and 7
ME: NO QUESTIONS ASKED
ME: YOU ARE 17...AND WILL NOT GET AWAY WITH TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT
ME: IF YOU ARE NOT THERE...THERE WILL BE FURTHER REPERCUTIONS
ME: DO YOU UNDERSTAND??????????????
YOU: Dude i'm going to tell you straight up what i should have a long time ago your my father yes i don't respect you i think your a Dick you have done to many (things) Like cheating on mom hitting her and me and anthony for me to even try and respect you ok i don't like hanging with you because you have done a lot of shit that has physically and emotionally hurt me and my family and i'm tired of it anthony bows down and follows in your foot steps with clare i'm tired of pretending like you’re the coolest dad ever i have plans tonight so i won't be at the house bye

I was going to go into this long dissertation on how things were with your Mom but it makes no sense now. I am sorry you feel the way you do. I’m not going to try to change it either. It’s how you feel. I can’t change the past Alex. All I can do is work on making sure I don’t make the same mistakes again. I have worked on changing some aspects of my life. You may not see those changes, but they are there. I am sorry for whatever you are hanging on to and bitter about. Remember, it’s a two-way street in ALL relationships. There is NEVER just one person at fault but you seem to be hangin’ the FAULT HAT on my head. Hanging on to old feelings isn’t healthy Alex. Someone told me once that our mistakes are like when you write on a piece of paper with pen on top of another piece of paper. Remember when you were a kid and if you wanted to see what someone wrote you would try to take a pencil and rub it over the markings and the words would pop up? When we make mistakes as people, God erases everything! He does not want us to try and go over it and rub pencil to bring it to life again. We need to start with a clean slate (as your Mom so graciously suggested). I will say that it may take a bit of time to heal fully from what you said above. That’s not easily forgotten but I’m not one to rub the pencil over the markings. You also need to learn how to forgive. Ask your Mom if she has forgiven me. Then, you make your decision on how you want to handle this. I love you more than you will ever know and give me credit for. One last thing…I ONLY HAVE 2 SON’S…THAT’S IT. I DON’T HAVE “ANOTHER FAMILY” AS YOU PUT IT. I WOULD DIE FOR YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ALEX, AT A MOMENTS NOTICE. THAT IS NOT SAID FLIPANTLY EITHER! I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR YOURS ALEX. YOU AND YOUR BROTHER ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE ON THE PLANET TO ME. NOBODY, NOBODY, NOBODY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAT THE 2 OF YOU, NOT EVEN COLLEEN. I CAN’T CONTROL YOUR ACTIONS, BUT I CAN CONTROL MINE. ALTHOUGH WHAT YOU SAID HURTS, I FORGIVE YOU AND LOVE YOU DEARLY.

Ironically enough we had the same type of conversaton just a few months ago...

Me: Al...you skating on thin ice with me at the moment. I hear it once a week from your mom that you arent doing what ur told or giver her an attitude.

Me: (12/5/2008 11:00:36 AM) it is getting OLD. something to remember...how you treat your mom is PROBABLY how you will treat your wife...

Me: do you think someone will put up with that from you?

Me: i dont thinks so

Me: so, i STRONGLY suggest pulling your head out of your ASS and doing what your mom asks of you...which isnt much.

Me: remember the Commandment...

Me: Honor thy Mother and Father?

Me: you CERTAINLY arent HONORING your Mother. you dont have the RIGHT to put her off or DICTATE what goes on. I WILL DICTATE WHAT GOES ON...IF YOU CONTINUE ON THIS PATH. Dont make me the bad guy Alex.

Alex: ok i know and you say untill death do us part and you didn't honor that dad...

Me: Alex...we will see what happens to YOU in the future. I hope and pray that you can have the FANTASY marriage you seem to think you will have.

Me: I had the same feelings Alex.

Me: it just didnt work out that way. but it wasnt without giving your Mom SIXTEEN YEARS to fix it. SIXTEEN Alex...

Me: you may understand....SOMEDAY

Me: Ok i hope so too but i've learned a lot from your and non's marriage i'm well prepared

Alex: Why did it have to all be about sex thou you love someone not for sex dad...showing your love gives you the sex

Alex: I'm in class love ya bye

Me: I hope and pray that you are prepared but until you go thru it yourself, you JUST DONT KNOW how you will handle it. You THINK you know...

Me: i tried that Al...didnt work.

Alex: I'll make it work when i get married I'll commit myself to my world and stay faithful its ok

Me: its NOT all about sex Al. never was. but it IS a piece of the pie and when that piece isnt there other pieces go away.

Me: it just...happens

Me: i hope you dont go through it...but...you WILL. it happens in most ALL marriages. thats why there is so much divorce in this country.

Alex: Screw this country bro no offense dad but i'm not like you i will always find a way to make it work always have

Me: lmmfao. no you havent. other than sarah, this is the longest relationship you have had. you will look back on this relationship later in life...and realize it was just a high school thing...

Alex: Dude i've been playing man of the house for 2 years because of you Wtf are you laughing at...

Me: you are 17 Alex

Me: 17

Me: you know NOTHING of the world...yet

Alex: Ya obviously i am i know whats right and wrong too dad michelle and jill wrong ?

Me: and how many gf's have YOU had Al?

Me: its part of the weeding out process my young son

Me: part of life

Me: you have good ones...and bad ones

Me: thats how you learn

Alex: I'm in high school? Not 43 dad

Me: 42...and?

Me: its called EXPERIENCE....of which you have NONE.

Alex: Lol ok guarantee i can make a girl smile a lot harder then you can

Me: u guarantee u can make a girl smile a lot harder than i can? huh? what does that have to do with anything? gee...my dad can beat up ur dad...

Me: then again...

Alex: I have to go i'm missing out on class c ya love ya

Me: you are most likely a bit more mature than i was. why you ask?

Me: well...cuz DADIO has tried to school you and your bro on LIFE and pass on my wisdom.

Me: im not without failure Alex.

Me: and you wont be either.

Me: take that to the bank

Me: if you dont pull your head out of your ass NOW in school...you WONT be able to go to college.

Me: if u cant go to college...you wont be able to AFFORD to do the things you want to do...or have..

Me: or support a girl like Hannah like she will be EXPECTED to be supported.

Me: i love you more than you will ever know Alexander William...but DO NOT get all high and mighty on me...

Me: walk in my shoes for awhile...and THEN come talk to me.

Me: otherwise...

Me: GET OFF YOUR SOAP BOX

Jackie sat down with Alex last night and he was supposed to TEXT me that we were to talk on Sunday. I just can't do it. I am still way pissed still.

ROUGH NIGHT

2009-01-23T05:49:00.000-08:00

WOW...Me n' C REALLY had a rough night last night! Actually it goes back a few days. I can't quite explain what my issue is. I've had a lot on my mind and plate at work lately. I really chewed on her last night.

HOW I LOST THE BATTLE WITH CAPTAIN MORGAN

2009-01-19T11:44:00.000-08:00

I though I would stop by and tell you how I lost the battle with Captain Morgan and his friends Diet Pepsi and Bud Light. It was this past Saturday and C was depressed for some reason. We eventually figured out that it was "that time of the month". We were going to go to watch some HS wrestling but got going to late. I bought here a diabetes bracelet of stainless steel that she can wear anywhere, even in the shower and it won't rust. She was VERY appreciative. She can be irresponsible sometimes when it comes to taking her medicine, so it is best that she wears something just in case I'm not around. So we leave the diabetes clinic and I turn to her and say "Let's go on an adventure!" That put a big smile on her beautiful face and made me happy. I had a few ideas going through my head, one of which was going to the casino. I'm trying to figure out what money we have in my head and what we can spend as I wanted to possibly go see my oldest at school the next day. We get to where we are going and I remember that there is an IMAX theatre in the same area. So we drive over there to see what is playing. "The Day the Earth Stood Still" was the IMAX movie playing. We had an hour or so before the movie so we went to the casino and had a little fun. During the movie there were only a total of 8 people in the theatre and C and I were sitting above everyone. She got a bit frisky and had some fun with me. Yes, it was exciting. After the movie her friend T texts her about going out that evening for a drink. Her favorite band Cheshire Grin is playing at a local club. She brings her daughter over. I made myself a Captain Morgan and Diet Pepsi. It's going down a little to good. I know that we won't have to drive so I drink away. Her friend T drives us there. By the time we get there I am buzzing. We sat right next to the speakers. I'm shocked I can hear out of my right ear. Her friend A and A's friend T (dude) show up a bit later. We danced all night. From what I understand I was being a bit of a "casanova" as C put it. I was trying to dance with other women. She said that I was playing with some girls hair and we were grinding at one point. I remember that. Ooops! As C told me, I was in my own little world. I tend to get that way when I drink to much. I do remember grabbing someones ass that night though. Ooops. So, the end of the night comes and when it does and the stimulation is gone...I just shut down. I had to be practically carries into the apt.. I passed out only to wake up dry heaving HARD. I blew out blood vessels in and around my eyes and threw up some blood. My eyes don't look the best right now. C fixed breakfast for everyone too! I was mad the next morning that I didn't get any! Oh well. It's Monday and I still don't feel good. My head is still foggy and my eyes, neck, back and other parts of my body hurt. I had a good time though! HA

SOMETIMES WHEN WE TOUCH...

2009-01-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

The image you see to your left here is a watercolor I did for my gf's mom for Christmas. It's approximately 22x28 and took about 20 hours to do. It's hard to appreciate at this size. It is now hung up in their home. I made a copy of it and will hang it up also. I got her mom to cry which told me she liked it and that it was good. Everyone really liked it.

MY SON, THE COLLEGE QB...

2008-10-31T13:30:00.000-07:00

Well, my oldest finally triumphed. He came in the 3rd game (as a Freshman) and replaced the 4 year starter. He through for 204 yards that game and led them to 3 scores. The next week against MLC he officially started. They lost that on in the waning seconds 28-27. He threw for 225 yards. The team has struggled since only winning 1 game. It hasn't really been his fault though. They have just played some REALLY good ranked teams. His coach has confidence in him. He told him that he needs to take the team on his shoulders and be the leader as nobody has stepped it up. He promptly changed how the lineman get to the line of scrimmage by having them hustle there and get set. He then gave the lineman and receivers goals for the week. It resulted in a win that Saturday. He is a leader. I am so proud of him.

NEWS OF THE NUTTY...

2008-10-31T12:59:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the dark on Halloween in my cube listening to the kids walk around and get candy I thought i would stop by and take a look and maybe write down a thing or two...

Colleen and I had a REALLY rough patch this past weekend. The weekend just sucked all the way around. We didn't really fight, but we did. I got really upset with her about the window being open and letting flies come in and her turning the lights on and then leaving a room. Really stupid stuff. I got so worked up that i grabbed my keys and contemplated leaving. I ended up taking the dog for a long walk to calm myself down. it worked thank goodness. She suggests that my overreaction to things is really just something else. It is...I miss being around my sons. My oldest is at school in Crete, which is 70 miles away. i see him for about 5 minutes after football games. What kind of relationship is that? We talk a couple times a week but ti's just mainly about football. Wasted talk really. My youngest has a girlfriend and spends a buttload of time with her. I try to spend Wednesdays and Sundays with him. She is taking those times away now. I have nothing against her of course, but thats less time I have with Alex. It's sad...I'm sad about it. That is the reason why I am cranky lately.

Her son is and can be an issue also. I have slowly taken myself away from him. I've pushed myself away from the table in regards to him. I would like to be his buddy, but he has trust issues like everyone else. Thankfully i don't have to worry about his homework now as he goes to a homework class after school. It was stressful trying to get him to do his homework.

Colleen and I get along very well. We communicate well. She is very needy though. Although I like it...she HAS to be RIGHT next to me when we are watching tv...right in my face. I shouldn't look a gifthorse in the mouth should I. She wants to spend every waking second together, which I enjoy of course.

I was talking to the ex today. I asked her about her latest man. She described him for me and said that he thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. She also said that she was the prettiest woman that I've been with. I didn't upset her, nope, I didn't . I wanted to, but didn't. In her prime she was very pretty, but age isn't doing anything for her looks. She's 44 now and looks it. I don't get ANY feelings when I look at her. I don't find her attractive in the least. I think she is ugly, but then again, I think her attitude has made her that way in my eyes. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and I have dated very pretty women. I've been lucky. Colleen is beautiful, both inside and out. She's a good girl.

Well...I guess I've said all I need to say today...cya.

INTERESTING MONTHS...

2008-07-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

Well, my oldest son goes to college on August 10th. It will be a sad yet happy day. I just took him to Walmart and spent $100 on everything from towells to soap. He was very appreciative. He's telling me that he wants to change majors from teaching to pre-law. I'm sure he will change his mind again at some point. Whichever he chooses I hope he follows through. He's NEVER been allowed to quit anything and HAS NEVER quit anything before. As they say...past performance predicts future success. That being said, he will finish school and go on to do what he wants.

My youngest...I just buzzed his hair for him. He's a handsome young man, so he can get away with it. He seems to have the fire in his belly for things. His body is changing rapidly. He could be a bodybuilder if he wanted to. I hope his school work gets better...

My relationship is still going strong. C is a good girl. She had her 2nd summer in a row off. Her kids have benefitted. They have had their Mom around. They both have been grounded off and on. They just don't learn. C made it in JUST under the wire. She finally got a job. Not the greatest job. She doesn't have a job title. She will have to CREATE one for herself. Day 2 of the job and she's whining about it already. I'm going to be positive and encourage her as much as possible. I want and need some consistancy from her in this regard. I've had extended conversations about this with her. We had a conversation a couple nights ago and I brought up the question "is there anything that you would take to your grave?" She gave me something very interesting that happened when she was 12 or 13. Interesting to say the least. I didn't judge her for it though. Then it came up that we had seen our parents in the buff in pictures. She made the comment "you go Dad" about his picture. She tells me she's not fascinated with size, but I'm not so sure that's the case. At some point during the night I bolted awake with many questions. So, the next day she came home and I let her tell me about her 1st day at work. I then brought up her comment about her dad and the discussion went from there. She told me about her relationship with her dad and she cried and cried. We were up late into the night. More later...

MY SONS

2008-06-26T08:23:00.000-07:00

I have to put something down in regards to my boys. They are 18 and 16, both going on 30! My oldest is going to college in the fall. He has worked so hard since he was little on his grades and it paid off! With a couple loans and a few scholarships, everything is paid for and on top of that he will get $500 put back in his (school) account at the end of each semester. Grandpa bought him a laptop which saved us $800! He will be at school 1 week ahead of his 2 roommates as football starts then. Yep, he was recruited as a QB. I was surprised but then again I wasn't. Do I think he walks on water? No. He IS a hard worker though and everything that has come his way, he has worked so hard for. I recall that day his freshman year when his HS FB coach put him with the Varsity. He was 5' 7 and 150lbs. He came off the field with a BIG smile and asked if he had to go to Steamboat Springs the following week to play baseball. We sat down and discussed it. I told him it was a fork in the road, one being a much shorter road than the other. He chose football and the rest is history. He had the kind of HS career that most kids can only DREAM about. All the hard work in the classroom (he finished 5th in his class), the mat, baseball diamond and football field have paid off up to this point. He will be a two sport student/athlete in college. I'm so proud of the man he is becoming. Things are starting to come his way also. He's working the fireworks stand at night for 10 days and $800. He should hit school with some decent money in the bank. Good luck son...

My youngest son...he's a hard working young man also. His priorities are a bit different than his brother though. I can only hope that he can get himself into college. His priorities are making money, lifting weights, football, wrestling, looking good and girls. By themselves, they are ok as he is just 16, but when compared to his older brother one thing is left out...school work. His mom and I have been up his ass about it. He just may not realize the gravity of high school which could be too late. He has his eyes on joining the Marine Corps. I don't know if this will be an option because he is legally blind in his right eye. He's gonna try though. He's wrestling at UNO during the summer. I went to watch him a couple weeks ago. He took off his shirt and I was SHOCKED! The kid is HUGE! He's really been pounding the weights. He looks good. Even his FB coached has noticed. I just want him to have a positive HS experience and not leave anything on the table by the time he graduates. We will continue to ride his ass about his grades.

I'm most proud of the unsolicited comments I get about my boys. I get positive comments about them all the time being respectful, polite young men. On top of that as far as I know, they haven't taken a drink or smoked although they have both tried chew. My fault there as I am a long time chewer myself. They both threw up thankfully. Our relationship has changed in the past year. I haven't seen them nearly as much as I would like and that's MY fault. But, the times we are together we have frank, open dialogue and have talked about many things. I try to impart to them good "man knowledge" to help them (hopefully) in the future. We will see.

I love you both more than ANYTHING on the planet...

WORK STRESS

2008-06-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

Long time, no blog. A lot has gone on lately that I haven't taken the time to put down and get off my chest. Most notabley with the GF. She is working on her FOURTH job in FOUR months! It is VERY distressing to me. I am living with her and it's NOT fun dealing with the stress of her not working and the monetary issues that go along with it. God bless her, she IS working her butt off to get a job. She just keeps hitting road blocks in regards to her past which work wise can be deemed sketchy at best. I finally sat her down and told my expectations of her. I can't and don't want to spend time with someone that can't keep a job. I explained that I want to see some consistancy. Another thing that bothers me is that she might not be what she appeared to be. It seems like she has left each job under some type of questionable circumstances. That is also very distressing. She's very book smart, but lacks a lot of common sense. She's VERY malable and I could really dictate things if I really wanted to. I don't. She expects me to be the "Man". I have no problem doing so, but it almost seems like she can't think for herself. I guess I will have to lead the way in the relationship. I just need her to show me consistancy. If she doesn't....

A MOMS OK...

2008-05-06T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well...I got her Mom's blessing. I'm shocked though. I've been around her Mom twice now and she has accepted me for who I am. How do I do that? How do I make people so comfortable? I wish sometimes that I was the type to have a lot of friends, but I don't. I have a small circle of people I consider my friends. C is my best friend now. Even C has that ability to know a lot of people and be friends with them. I wish I had that ability. When her Mom talks to me, she looks me right in the eyes. I wonder by doing that is she trying to figure out if I'm trustworthy and good enough for her daughter. I looked right back and gave her the attention she wanted. She has a very nice home and probably is snooty but she has been nice to me thank goodness. Listening to Rush on the iPod now. Such a good tune. Anyway....C is such a good girl. She is so full of spirit, love and affection. She just got a new job. I was sincerly proud of her. We went ot the Icehouse. We had a "moment". I was a bit overcome with emotion because I am so proud of her. She stuck it out and waited for HER job and got it...with a 3k bonus! I got a bit teary eyed and she did too...she said thank you and said I was her best friend. It was a nice moment.

MORE THOUGHTS...

2008-04-21T12:14:00.001-07:00

One of the big things in a relationship I have to have is TRUST. It's everything to me. It's just as important as any other thing in a relationship. Looking back on my past relationships...Dee Dee...hmmm. Could I trust her? No. She always had wandering eyes I thought. Always seemed to be looking for something bigger and better. I see she got married a couple years ago to an Air Force fella. Good for her. The next one was a girl that ended up being my wife for 9 years and a companion of sorts for almost 18 years. I trusted her. In most ways, she was dedicated to me. She didn't have a questionable sexual history. Men would like to think (hypocritically) that there woman is a virgin and hasn't been with anyone. That's not reality of course. The ex was pretty close to being a Virgin as she had only been with 2 men prior to me. Looking back though I don't know if this is so good. She wasn't very experienced at anything. Was I? I hadn't been a long term relationship at this point to really try to figure out what I liked and didn't like and what I could do for someone else. So, in all reality we were both at a loss. If I knew then what I know now...maybe things would have turned out different...then again, probably not. When a woman feels she's not attractive, the intimacy goes right out the window! And it did. But all that being said I could trust her. After about 9 years with her I couldn't stand it anymore and had to find someone willing. I found that person about 1200 miles from where I lived. Things were great on many different levels, but I could NEVER trust her. I knew too much about her sexual history and how much of a whore she was. She had my heart (or so I convinced myself). I was blinded. She had some major league wandering eyes. Her looks garnered a lot of looks, and I walked around GREEN from jealousy all the time. It SUCKED!! I knew that we were destined for failure. That was 1998. My next relationship I've documented here before was in 2007-08. I again knew too much about this person too. She in many ways was similar to the WHORE referred to earlier. They were virtually the same person. I tried in vain to seperate them both. This one took it a step or 2 farther though being with a 16 year old AND falling in love with her brother after he molested her for many years. She admitted to ENJOYING being intimate with her brother also. The girl I'm with now I get the sense that I can trust. Sometimes her eyes wander. I try not to pay attention. It can be hard sometimes though. I introduced her to an old friend of mine recently. I recall there was a lull in the conversation and she was looking at him with what I thought were "puppy dog" eyes. Now, I didn't look at him as she was looking at him. I'm afraid if I did, I may have ended up A LOT more upset than I got. I ended up bringing it up on the way home and she got a bit worked up about it. I didn't like my friends comment about her eyes though. Am I wrong in feeling that way? Idk. Sometimes I have a bit of insecurity float to the top for whatever reason which I try to push back down hastily. I love her intensely. She wants to be told what to do. She NEEDS to be told what to do. I almost feel bad when she asks me what I want her to do. She wants TRUE direction from me. The bedroom is the same way. I am in complete control there. She wants to be held down. I held her hands together above her head once and she started yelping so I covered her mouth to see what would happen. She came! Her eyes got real big and she came. It was amazing! She said she's never been manhandled that way before...I think potentially she has. But it's ok...I'll do that for her and enjoy it. I'm finding it is EROTIC. I may tie her hands back, fuck her doggy and pull her hair just to see what happens...

FORGET IT

2008-04-21T08:20:00.000-07:00

As far as C...I'm in love with her. Quite honestly...she has most all of the good qualities of I have looked for. Anyway...we get along great, communicate well. The bedroom is AWESOME. Of the 53 days we have been together, we have been INTIMATE 50 of them...anywhere from 1-6 times a day. Each time...it's a MINIMUM of 30 minutes which is great for me (LOL). More news at 11...

SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH...?

2008-04-10T05:28:00.000-07:00

j (4/2/2008 3:55:48 PM): "I enjoyed it with Mike... and it's WAY sick." What a line! She told me also that she "fell in love with" her brother. She herself raped a (willing) 16 year old. She passed it on. Her whole family should be in jail...

SHE COMPARED ME TO JESUS?

2008-04-10T04:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since I last wrote. I'm not going to look at the last post so if I repeat myself, I apologize. I'm still with the person I will consider the love of my life. Yes, after 6 weeks, I can say that. We have spent nearly every moment together and it's been great. We are on a journey up the mountain and are nowhere near the top! She is looking for a job at the moment which has been an emotional struggle for her. She's fighting the depression bug. She felt the need to go to see a pastor yesterday. She said she cried the entire time. She discussed everything from her lack of a job to me to my ex. So...last night we dropped the kids off at church and got talking about her conversation with the pastor. At one point in our conversation about it she said that we had to wait until we got inside so she could tell me the rest. I said ok. We walked in, farted around for a bit and then layed down on the bed, looking at eachother. She gave me some preamble and then told me that she told the pastor that she "saw Jesus in me". I was caught in a stunned silence. I didn't know what exactly to say to that. I asked what the pastor said. He went on to say that "...it seems you and him have connected on the deepest level". Ya think? My eyes welled up just considering the expectations that I had to live up to! I told her (again) that I'm not perfect. If she has me anywhere near that kind of pedastal, I'm doomed to fail! I asked about this and she explained that she saw a lot of Jesus in me....love, compassion, caring, patience, strength...among many others. I was blown away! Talk about pressure! We made love a little while later. It was great! Speaking of making love...we have only missed TWO days as far as NOT being intimate with one another. We have made love every day but the 1st couple and when Aunt Flo came to town (2 days). Over the course of 41 days, we have done it anywhere from 2-6 times per day! She is insatiable! I'm shocked I've kept up. I'm not a young man anymore.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE I DO?

2008-03-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

Wow...what a 3 week period! Well...I need to ask you a question or two. When you met (insert name here)...did you "know"? Did you "know" he or she was "the one" or did you manufacture and grow into the feelings for him or her? When you let yourself think about it...do you get that "butterfly" feeling in your stomach? Do you look forward to seeing them...miss them when they gone? Or...have you settled...settled because of any reason be it good or bad? I knew a long time ago with J that I didn't feel that "way" about her...from the beginning quite honestly. I SETTLED. The sex was good and we communicated well...I learned how to communicate again...blah, blah. I knew from the moment I met her she wasn't "the one" and didn't know where it would go...and just went with the flow. When I found out about her history both sexual and incest related, I thought I could deal with it and put it up on a shelf. But finding pictures and conversations and having to look at the people in the face that had to do with her incest...I realized I was feeling hypocritical. On top of that....when she admitted to me that she fell in love with her brother, that really creeped me out to know end (yes her brother was the primary molester. Her sister, foster sister and foster brother who had CP were involved also early on). The LIE about the BM issue, NOT the actual b/w thing stuck in my craw and she finally admitted that she slept with 3 (supposedly) BM's. I couldn't handle the lies. It caused me to question other things. What else had she lied about? I look back at it...at her...and have no regrets or feelings for that matter. Is that wrong of me? I feel bad that I can do that. But there is a silver lining here. I found someone who makes me feel like I'm alive. It's like something out of a movie. It can be overwhelming if I let it. It's mind blowing how I feel about C. I've never quite felt like this before. I got a smal taste of it with M, a bit more with J, but ultimately I couldn't trust either of them. If you can't trust, you can't love. The only person I could ever trust was the ex J. But, I never loved her. C is a combination of all of the women that I've been with. She's beautiful, kind, generous, smart, funny and passionate. When we talk to one another we look deeply into eachothers eyes. We hold hands. We communicate well. She's got a knack for being able to talk to people. She will talk to anybody and make them feel special. Her and the ex have met. We are supposed to go over there for Easter dinner. Did I say she's beautiful? She is DIFFERENT than all of the others. She has the best qualities of them all. Is she perfect? No. Am I? HELL NO! She has her baggage too. She can be an emotional wreck. She's a cryer. She loves hard tho. Needs constant reasurrance about things. I'm glad to provide all of it as she returns the favor. We make love. It's the closest I've ever been with someone, ever. She makes me happy. She loves to kiss, cuddle and squeeze me tight, just as I love to do to her. I've never felt so much passion in one person. She meets me half way in most all areas. In the bedroom....more later.

IT TAKES A SECOND TO SAY GOODBYE...

2008-03-04T12:53:00.001-08:00

It takes a second to say hello and forever to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye.I've always been one to pick up the broken fragments and pieces and glue them back in place just so. I'd rather see it as it was at it's best, then mend my heart and try to move on. Sometimes that is not possible. Sometimes, it's impossible. Love is above all, a gift to yourself. You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person, perfectly. Love has many faces and facets, as do people. Do we really know anybody who doesn't wear a face just to hide another? Love is as much of an object as it is an obsession. There isn't anyone who doesn't want it or seek it, but few ever achieve it, and those who do will cherish it, be lost in it and above all never...never forget it. There is no pain equal to what two lovers can inflict on each other. Sometimes something said with your mouth isn't always coming from the heart. A lesson to be learned if you love someone...give them the option to leave not a REASON. After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, that their company doesn't always mean security, you begin to learn kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept defeats with your head held high and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrows ground is just to uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. Once you've done that, you will have learned that you really are strong and you really do have worth and that is at which point you have grown up

WHAT DO I DO?

2008-03-03T05:34:00.000-08:00

WOW...what an interesting couple of days. I began conversing with a girl at work. Ironically enough, she hired me here and then when the hiring was done...she took the same job that I have. We ended up going to lunch last Thursday and talked for an hour and a 1/2. Talked about life, love and all that good mess. Let me describe her...big brown eyes, beautiful smile, brunette...built very well. I have tried to get her attention a couple times since November to no avail. Our 1st convo started something like this...

b (2/28/2008 9:15:24 AM): ok...I'm bored...
c (2/28/2008 9:15:30 AM): mee too
b (2/28/2008 9:15:34 AM): how's life treating you?
c (2/28/2008 9:15:39 AM): terrible
b (2/28/2008 9:15:42 AM): why
c (2/28/2008 9:15:57 AM): hang on looking at pic
c (2/28/2008 9:16:26 AM): That made me laugh!!
c (2/28/2008 9:16:30 AM): It is so cute
b (2/28/2008 9:16:32 AM):
c (2/28/2008 9:16:41 AM): Where do want me to start?
b (2/28/2008 9:17:02 AM): I have nothing but time and im a great listener....
b (2/28/2008 9:18:11 AM):
c (2/28/2008 9:18:26 AM): I am trying to think about what to tell you
c (2/28/2008 9:18:30 AM): What do you want to know
b (2/28/2008 9:18:31 AM): lol
b (2/28/2008 9:18:40 AM): hmmm
b (2/28/2008 9:19:00 AM): hows the love life? that always seems to be an interesting start...lol
c (2/28/2008 9:19:24 AM): oh boy
c (2/28/2008 9:19:28 AM): That's complicated
b (2/28/2008 9:19:36 AM): cant be that complicated...lol
c (2/28/2008 9:19:44 AM): uh yes it can
b (2/28/2008 9:19:45 AM): pretty girl like you...
c (2/28/2008 9:19:50 AM): awww

So...we had an interesting convo the rest of the day. The next day she doesn't show up for work. I ended up getting her check for her and meeting her at a gas station to give it to her. I showed up and she had her kids with her. Boy did I feel under the microscope! I ended up going to Taco Bell with them. As we left she asked me if I would text her later and I said I would. I had some friends over that night. I normally don't drink but I probably had 6-8 shots that night. Between the spiced Rum and the Vodka...I was feeling pretty good by the end of the night. So...she invited me over. It was about 11:30pm. My friends had left so I went over. She asked me if I could bring a movie. I brought "Somewhere in Time". She said we would be watching it in her bedroom. I get there and say hi to the kids and meet her dog. We go back to her bedroom to watch the movie. We talked for awhile...make out awhile. We finally got messing around about 6am. Yep, spent the night. It was VERY interesting. She is VERY passionate. Loves to pull you close, hang on and shake and quiver. She is also what's known as a squirter. I reached down at one point and her shorts were SOAKED as well as the bed. I was in shock! I've never been with someone quite like her before...altho she reminds me of my ex-wife. More later...

SOMETHING IM REALIZING....BUT ALWAYS NEW DEEP DOWN...

2008-02-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

I was doing another entry and my mind wandered here...so I have to write this down before my fading mind forgets. I realized some time ago what women want. When did I begin to figure this out? Well, I was married at the time and we had an older couple the lived a couple doors down and they had a 19 year old daughter who was a handful....and then some! She became such a problem to them that they to my wife and asked if she could stay with us for awhile. We were good, stable people and were known to take in strays...ie. both my brothers and a girl and her 2 young sons. So...the 1st night she is there JM is over talking to her parents and U was sitting in the chair in front of me in a halter top and minnie skirt giving me these puppy dog eyes as we are talking. I remember telling her..."you are going to get me in trouble...". She came back with "no, you are going to get YOURSELF in trouble". We both laughed at that. JM finally came back and U asks if she can get a ride to the pool hall not far from the house. I said sure...fine. I distictly remember my hands shaking. We get in the jeep and she asks me if we can "take the scenic route"? My hands begin to shake even more at this point at the thought of what might happen. She directs me to drive up behind this elementary school. We pull behind the school. She turns to me and says "be sure to wipe the lipstick off your dick before you go home". OMG! I had a hard on BEFORE we stopped so I was ready to go already. She begins to go down on me and after a few minutes of the best head I'd ever received up to that point I tell her that I need to "get inside her". Boy was she eager for that! We got out and went behind the jeep. Her skirt was pretty short. She dropped the very see through red panties she had on and I entered her from behind. I was done shortly thereafter. When she got back later that evening she related to me that a gf of hers had asked her if she had had sex before she came because there was a cum stain on the back of her minnie skirt...so, this went on for about 3 months. In the interim, she fell in love with me. She was always writing me love letters telling me she would do everything the JM wouldn't do and the like. I was blown away...but never considered leaving my family...not until July of 97 anyway...but thats another story. U was a whore simply put. She told me a lot of things she had done in her young life. I treated her well though. Thats the point...I'm certainly not a BIG man or even close to it. I have the ability to love though. I saw or felt a flash of what was to come then. It took me 40 years to figure out how I needed to be loved and wanted to love someone else. Fast forward to 1997. I'm sorry if I am repeating myself here. I will try to give the "cliffnotes" version. I met a chick in a chat room called "redheads". M was in there stirring the pot and throwing her pic out to anyone who wanted it. I waited and then finally asked for one. I then looked at her profile and realized we had the same b-day only a year apart. The convo went from there. I went out there July 4th weekend and spent 9 days. This was after MANY MANY MANY hours of conversations online and on the phone. It was heavenly...or so I thought to that point. In the coming months she fell head over heals in love with me as I did her and I found out more about her than I cared to know. She too was a WHORE...she called herself a "player". What is the definition of the word player? Slang. One who actively seeks out sexual partners and carries on a number of sexual affairs at the same time. Here are a couple more examples of the word PLAYER. A gambler...or...One who performs in theatrical roles. All of those seem to fit as it was explained to me by M. I heard all the stories she "wanted me to hear" I will say. In my mind she was a whore...I personally think she had self esteem problems. She was a beautiful woman, a bit overweight, but beautiful non the less. She wrapped her sexual prowess or OPEN LEG SYNDROME as I saw it, around her esteem problems. I think she felt that was the only thing she could really control when in all actuality she was out of control and didn't know it. Again, I'm not a BIG man yet she fell love with me. Why? I'm not anything particularly special...but I learned what I wanted and how I wanted to love someone with her. I learned a lot with that one. Now, the girl I'm with right now I intend to marry. She's in the same boat with both of these women that I've discussed here...not staying in the same room or on the same deck...but on the same ship...the ship of fools. Who am I to judge? I think there are 2 kinds of judgement. 1. making a judgement purely upon looking at something without knowing anything about it and 2. KNOWING something or A LOT about that particular subject and making an INFORMED judgement. I wish I had made an informed DECISION about M! I would have never went out to see her in the 1st place. J...I know there are A LOT of things she has done that I don't have the need to know as I would probably go away screaming...so I don't ask. I will let that sleeping dog LIE.

DO MOST WOMEN THINK LIKE THIS?

2008-02-27T08:04:00.000-08:00

I had to have a pointed conversation with my girl a couple nights ago. It was about something non-relevant to any of this but it morphed into a conversation about her past. We got talking about here past and how it affects now. How it bothers me sometimes if I let it. Sometimes I will be doing next to nothing and a (random) thought about a picture I saw might get me wondering about things I don't need to and I get worked up in my head. So, I was discussing this with her and we got into a discussion about the why's of things. Why did she put herself in that position to (admitedly) get used and abuse, be made a sperm receptical. Ironically enough the more we have discussed it her thought process is slowly changing from "I was trying to find out what I liked and didn't like" and "I was trying to find myself" to...I WHORED around. I finally asked her WHY she put herself in that position? I have asked her this question before and have got a couple different answers. This conversation....she was in tears by the time I had asked this question again. She said "It was the best I thought I could do....". There are 2 statements that have stuck with her over the years. 1. "you are like a rabid dog...." 2. "she's not much to look at, but she's a TIGER in bed". The 1st is in reference to her 1st serious bf when she was 20 or so. She wanted "it" more then he did...no more explanation needed right? The latter...she was with a fella for 2 years. We will call him T. He's an interesting character. I don't think he's necessarilly a bad guy. The way J has presented him to me is this...he has a nose for business and making money, apparently lots of it just before meeting her. He had a business selling replica jewerly. He ended up spending some time in jail along with his cohorts and had to repay $116,000. It was an internet business. Anyway...this guy had money, loved to have a lot of fun and had a drug problem. He was also a pervert in the bedroom. T liked to suck cock now and again, have 3-somes, 4-somes or just go solo with J in the other room. She fell into the rat race that was his life hence the comment "she's not much to look at but she's a TIGER in bed". In all honesty, she is a BEAUTIFUL woman and person. She finally broke it off after he had alienated her from her family and she saw the dark side of life for a bit...and didn't like it. The day she moved out, he moved another women right in. I'm glad she saw the light. I have to admit after reading some of the things on her PC that I think she actually loved him on some level. Kind of that love by-proxy thing where you fall in love with your captor. He ended up going back to jail for violating his probation. She wrote him often in jail. His letters back were a bit cold and finally he told her he was moving on with his current gf and to "have a nice life". He im'd her a few times in our early months wanting her to go out for a drink and "talk". She told me about these. I happened to be there once when she signed on and he left her an offline stating the same thing. The pressure was on her to say "what I wanted to hear" and she came through. He was persistant though and she happened to leave herself signed on day and he had im'd. I answered him back "as her" and very nicely told him to FUCK OFF! As far as I know...he hasn't written her back. I was afraid that she would want to slide back into that old life style...but she has been adamant that she wants to be with me...that's it. I take her at face value...but sometime that BIG UGLY MONSTER called doubt creeps up....

MORE CONCERNS...BM!

2008-02-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

Why do I think about shit that I shouldn't? She brought up a few day ago a situation that happened a while ago at her old job. Somehow she ended up inviting a few of her african-american co-workers home or to her gay friends house...I'm not sure which. Let me say this before I go on...I really haven't pursued asking questions about this as I don't want to know. Anyway...somehow it turned into an orgy...and she seems to have been the only white girl there unless you count her gay friend. So at some point during the maylay she was dared to eat a black chicks pussy (I just found this out). Now, she did tell me before that she felt a dude behind her trying to enter her and thats when she went upstairs. I don't know if I quite believe that. I know she has morals and scruples...but when she sees a hard dick, something quite animal can take over. I'm not going to assume here what happened...but a big hard dick...hmmm. Admitedly, she was "whoring around". Well, well...I ended up finding out the REST of the fucking story! Here's what she admitted to me. Yes, she went upstairs and passed out. She woke up to a BM fucking her (supposedly). She could tell me EXACTLY who's brother it was also. She said she went with it and didn't fight. Now, if it's something you DIDN'T want to have happen, wouldn't that constitute RAPE? She NEVER pressed ANY charges. On top of that I had to ask...why were her pants off? She said she didn't know HOW they got off. Ya...ok. She admitted to me that she had THREE BM's after DENYING it for so long. And I was supposed to trust that fucking WHORE?

Here's another story that I haven't told you about...after being together awhile I was able to piece together things and asked a few questions here and there and figured out that she was one of those internet whores. She admitted to me that she would have men come over just so she could suck their dick. I think I've taken it all fairly in stride..except for one thing. She had a GF that she told me tried to get her into black men. (it all comes back around, doesn't it? probably every woman I have been with has been with a black man...thats another story) She had "been with" B from what I understood a few times. She told me B was in love with her. Now, B was INTO black men. That propted the question "were you ever with a black man". I've told you PART of that story...heres the conclusion. I told you before that I found some pics of her on her PC going down on G with her GF. She couldn't deny this as I said I had seen the pics. This whole thing was preceeded by me finding a convo she had online with a young black man. He asked her how many BM she had been with...she said 6. Anyway...we discussed all of that. She told me she just sucked his dick with B. She cried a bit, we discussed it some more and I said that I'd let the lie go. Well somehow a couple days later it came up again and this time I PRESSED her for the truth. She admitted that he stuck it in and stroked her 5 or 6 times and she was uncomfortable and she let B take over. Well, if you refer to my last post that doesn't seem entirely true now does it? She talks about having a MIND BENDER with him. I pressed some more. She said she dated him for a short period (long enough to take him to her Xmas work party???). They never "did it"...but just fucked around. I'm sorry...I don't believe you. Just like I don't believe you that you didn't at the very least suck someones dick at that orgy. She chalks it up to "finding herself" or she was at a "low point" and was reaching out trying to find something. All I asked for was some honesty...which I haven't got totally yet. Why do I always find these kind of women? M always said she was never with a BM and then finally told me just to hurt me. Theres another fucking ADMITTED whore...although I think that M and J are different kinds of whores. I think there is some kind of merit to J's "finding herself and what she likes and dislikes" story. M plain and simple was just a whore. She told me at one point that she slept with men of all kinds of races...from white to egyptian to asian to black...you name it, she did it. She was porky the pig too...but beautiful in the face and talked a great game. She loved the thrill of the chase. J told me she has sucked 30 dicks and slept with less than half of that. How do you respect anyone like that. I was banging a 19 year old at one point...she was a BFW too...who'd banged a BM. What is the deal with BM? J's friend B said it was the contrast of white on black...ya...ok...I believe that. I know it's not right to label everyone...but what is the going truth about BM's...good or bad? Whatever your mind can come up with...theres a shred of truth to all of it. Ah...who cares?

USING THIS AS A RELEASE...

2008-02-13T12:01:00.000-08:00

It's been SOME TIME since I posted last. A lot has gone on. I finally moved out on May 25, 2007. It was hard to do...believe me! I had to move away from my sons...again. Why, you ask? Selfishly you will think...but it was due to a lack of affection. I was intimate with my ex of 10+ years 2 or 3 times in in the span of 3 years. Not good in regards to having a productive relationship with someone. I had put on a face some time ago anyway. Everything I did was for my sons. I'm glad I moved back to VA when I did...if I hadn't, I would have missed out on everything. The boys have flourished. It was hard on them that I left.

Well, let me say what I came on here to say so I can get it off my chest. I met someone a year ago today. The spicy italian I mentioned in my last post. She is no different in a lot of ways from other girls. We will call her Christine. She IS differnt in a lot of ways than other women tho too. I wonder some days which weighs more...the good or the bad. I think most days it's the good. Every now and again I will think about the bad...and it gets me down, big time...like today. She was an Internet WHORE...and just a whore in general. She's a victim (?) of abuse from the time she was 4 until 15. I would say she was a victim until she willingly participated in the victimization. She had periods of no sex for long periods. When she went on a bender...she went on a BENDER. She put herself in positions to be taken advantage and somehow convinced herself that she was in control. She has lied to me a lot about some of this stuff. What you ask? She has lied about sleeping with black men. Is it really a big deal? Ultimately no...but when she tells me how her father felt about it...and talks like she would never do it...THEN it becomes an issue. Here's an example. She had a friend, we will call her Brenda. Her friend B was into brothers and J always told me that B tried to get her to do it and she never had. Come to find out that they had a mutual friend G whom they had a 3-some with. Now, me being nosey, I went on her PC to look at old archives and found a few conversations with G that were G rated...BUT...I found a note she sent him. I paraphrase here...

You are probably ready to throttle me.
I got home around 1140 last night
grabbed the post it with your # and the phone
sate down to call you
to tell you that I was tired out and
that I didnt have a mind-bender in me....

You get the idea. So...I called her on it one day. It turned into a big arguement of course. I explained that I had found another conversation which I will list below...in progress...

her:...depends on the black guy
him: young black guys with big cocks?
her: dont hate em!
him: lol ever had one?
her: sure
him: how young?
her: nothing under 20
him: how old are you?
her: 35
him: I'm 19 willing to make an exception?
her: you into older women?
him: of course or else i wouldnt' be wasting my time
him: married, single?
her: single
him: how many black guys have you been with?
her: 6
him: not bad
him: we have to get that number up tho
her: I am guessing
him: yeah minum of 7 unless you want to have me bring my friends along
her: no..that would be too much dick to keep happy
him: why dont you come over and get some BBC?
her: I have a boy here...I just put to bed
her: what is BBC?
him: big black cock
her: gotcha
him: so not interested tonight?
her: nope..cant sorry

So I bring this up to her...she denies all of it. But I don't tell her I've seen these conversations. Both conversations are sticking in my craw...of course. The reason it came up in the 1st place is because she eluded to her and B getting together with G and messing around but her NOT having intercourse with him. Wouldn't you question if they did if she's talking about a "mind-bender'?? I would question it all. So, she was at her sisters one weekend and I was at her house and was bored so I thought I'd do a bit of investigating on my own. OMG...you wouldn't believe the shit that I found...some things I never told her about...like the "stories" of an old friend that she got friendly with and how she was afraid of his big cock and how it made here squirt for hours. Oh, and how about the one where her and a friend brought a couple guys from a band home and she got DP'd? Anyway, I decided to look for some of her prized photos. It took me awhile but I found what I didn't want to....pics of her and B suckin' and fuckin' G. I was sick and mad and a host of other things. I debated on whether or not to break it off right then and there. She LIED to me again for a 2nd time. I was having an anxiety attack...palpitations...shaking hands...I couldn't coral a single feeling. Low and behold she happened to call because we hadnt talked since about 9pm the night before and it was noon the next day. She could tell immediately there was a problem. She asked what was wrong. Of course I told her "nothing". She kept asking so I told her that I found pics of her and B sucking on G's dick. She got quiet. She stated that she never banged him. We ended up have a short discussion about it then and later. She was a bit upset that I had violated her privacy...but I held on to the fact that she lied. She again stated that she never banged him. I finally let it go...knowing all the time that she had talked about have a "mind bender" post 3-some. I knew it would come up again. I couldn't help but bring it up again a couple of days later and it turned into a BIG fight then! She finally admitted that he fucked her (just a few strokes) the night of the 3-some but she didnt feel comfortable and let B get banged instead. She said they messed around a few times after that but never banged. Ok...this WHOLE time I know that she had sent him a note that she didn't have the energy for a "mind-bender". What does that lead you do believe? She lied yet a 4th time? Yep, thats the conclussion I came to also. But rather than pick her up by the scruff of the neck and throw her to the curb, I let it go. Why? Did she have SIX black men? I wish I had saved some of those pics. I'd post them here. What a fucking dirty, cum guzzling, gutter slut. Oh wait! Theres one that I haven't told you about...and this one is DURING the time we have been together....

(4/21/07) Her: Hi...I have been chatting with B (yes, THAT B) and she thought we could have some fun together. Check out my pics and let me know if you would be interested. Also, please feel free to contact B. I hope to hear from you soon!

Ok...this is 2 months and a week AFTER we met and she's soliciting...hmmm.

Then theres the case of the YOUNG guy she banged for awhile until she found out his age. He propositioned her just a scant few weeks ago. Well, she told me about this. I asked for his addy and surprisingly enough, she gave it to me. It went something like this...

J (1/24/2008 2:21:55 PM): ok... it one of my old boy toys...
J (1/24/2008 2:22:04 PM): the huge liar...
b (1/24/2008 2:22:11 PM): right.......
J (1/24/2008 2:22:44 PM): any chance of one last bj before we're wed?
J: are you insane? NO! first.. because I am in love and have no desire to touch ANYONE else J: secondly.. because you lied to me... and you are STILL grounded for it! J: but thanks for wanting to... you little pervert... and don't ask again.. I am adding you to my ignore list... good luck and good bye!
J (1/24/2008 2:23:27 PM): Can you believe THAT?
J (1/24/2008 2:24:26 PM): did blow a gasket?
J (1/24/2008 2:24:36 PM): did the top of your head explode?
b (1/24/2008 2:24:47 PM): nope...not at all

So...she gives me his addy and it goes like this...

b (1/24/2008 2:41:19 PM): are we on the same page my young friend?
922 (1/24/2008 2:41:49 PM): sure, next time she calls I'll make it clear that babyboy is jealous so she cant swallow my cock anymore
b (1/24/2008 2:42:14 PM): has she called you in the last year?
922 (1/24/2008 2:42:30 PM): two or three times
b (1/24/2008 2:42:44 PM): are you being serious?
922 (1/24/2008 2:43:01 PM): you obviously know all about us
b (1/24/2008 2:43:10 PM): are you being serious?
922 (1/24/2008 2:43:24 PM): why are you asking me, you already talked to her and know everything about me
b (1/24/2008 2:43:56 PM): ok...better question...have you "seen" her in the last year?
922 (1/24/2008 2:44:32 PM): if I recall correctly around the college world series she was tying me up and using her grandmas reciepe of lube to suck my cock
922 (1/24/2008 2:44:45 PM): and then again in hmm july or august
b (1/24/2008 2:45:15 PM): ok...all kidding aside...
b (1/24/2008 2:45:25 PM): are serious?
b (1/24/2008 2:45:39 PM): are you serious?
922 (1/24/2008 2:45:48 PM): isnt that why you're telling me youre going to stomp a mudhole in my ass
922 (1/24/2008 2:45:55 PM): of course Im serious
922 (1/24/2008 2:46:09 PM): I thought thats why you were starting shit
b (1/24/2008 2:46:28 PM): you have fucked her the summer of 2007? how many times?
922 (1/24/2008 2:46:42 PM): only those 2 times
922 (1/24/2008 2:46:51 PM): Im pretty sure you werent with her
b (1/24/2008 2:47:05 PM): we started dating....feb of 2007
922 (1/24/2008 2:47:10 PM): ohhhhhh
b (1/24/2008 2:47:26 PM): if you were with her ANYTIME in 2007....I'd like to know
922 (1/24/2008 2:47:37 PM): once during the CWS and once right before I moveed to florida in august
922 (1/24/2008 3:00:55 PM): I let her suck me
922 (1/24/2008 3:00:59 PM): I fucked her a couple times
922 (1/24/2008 3:01:02 PM): thats what happened
922 (1/24/2008 3:01:04 PM): bottom line I promise you that

You talk about PISSED off! So I let him rant for awhile and I hit J with it...

J (1/24/2008 2:58:59 PM): I don't know what's going on...
J (1/24/2008 2:59:18 PM): but.. please consider the source...
J (1/24/2008 3:05:12 PM): Hello???
J (1/24/2008 3:05:34 PM): I am not getting anything from you...
922 (1/24/2008 3:08:57 PM): I was there
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:02 PM): on u st
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:04 PM): fucked sucked
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:05 PM): kissed
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:07 PM): met the kid
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:10 PM): and im outtie
J (1/24/2008 3:09:11 PM): Nice...
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:16 PM): has nothing to do with me now
J (1/24/2008 3:09:17 PM): how about.. you are a year off..
J (1/24/2008 3:09:26 PM): not 2007 but 2006
b (1/24/2008 3:09:29 PM): was it in 2007?
J (1/24/2008 3:09:31 PM): then it's true
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:35 PM): no I dont believe so jill
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:37 PM): july
922 (1/24/2008 3:09:40 PM): maybe august
tru_powderlove922 (1/24/2008 3:09:42 PM): of 07
J (1/24/2008 3:09:50 PM): no WAY... you are NUTS...
J (1/24/2008 3:10:02 PM): all I can say is Bill consider the source..
922 (1/24/2008 3:10:19 PM): well I doubt the photos are still on your camera
J (1/24/2008 3:10:54 PM): ok....
922 (1/24/2008 3:11:04 PM): and you still loved the cock
J (1/24/2008 3:11:09 PM): I did

I read that last little bit and could've stangled someone...it ended up turning into a HUGE fight...and rightly fucking so!

922 (1/24/2008 3:11:12 PM) you are lying!
J (1/24/2008 3:11:13 PM): and I am not
922 (1/24/2008 3:11:29 PM): YOU ARE!
922 (1/24/2008 3:11:37 PM): july 20th? maybe
922 (1/24/2008 3:11:44 PM): the 3rd day of the CWS
J (1/24/2008 3:12:00 PM): nope...
J (1/24/2008 3:12:03 PM): you are wrong
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:08 PM): you are lying
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:10 PM): im not wrong
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:14 PM): but I dont care
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:15 PM): like I said
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:19 PM): you're battle not mine
922 (1/24/2008 3:12:23 PM): good luck to you
J (1/24/2008 3:19:39 PM): Hey..
J (1/24/2008 3:19:45 PM): that is the past..
J (1/24/2008 3:19:58 PM): are you going to hold it against me for being honest?
J (1/24/2008 3:20:10 PM): I did enjoy our times we had together...
J (1/24/2008 3:22:09 PM): hello?
b (1/24/2008 3:22:14 PM): no...but thats like an open door for him...it's like telling jackie that I think she's still pretty...it prompts her to think...whatever....and a young guy like that....hey...she still wants my cock....he gets SATISFACTION out of it!!!!!!!!!! And when your being accused of fucking him LAST YEAR...I dont think that WAS APPROPRIATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
J (1/24/2008 3:22:30 PM): I am sorry..
J (1/24/2008 3:22:42 PM): I thought honesty was the best policy since my honesty was at stake here
b (1/24/2008 3:22:44 PM): AM I RIGHT OR WRONG?
b (1/24/2008 3:22:54 PM): NOT ABOUT LIKING HIS DICK
J (1/24/2008 3:23:04 PM): I don't know if you believe him or if you just wanted me to know what he was saying...

Ok...was I outta line for getting PISSED cuz she was saying...

922: and you still loved the cock
J: I did

Am I wrong...especially with me in the conversation! We had a heck of a fight though about it. I'm still here though. I have to put trust issues aside...well, I'll type more some other time when I need to get shit off my chest. Thanks for listening...

IS SHE FOR REAL?

2007-03-13T22:54:00.000-07:00

Wow...A LOT has happened since my last post in November. The "booty call" I had for almost a year found a BF. I'm actually happy for her. She deserves to be happy. At the tale end of that 'episode', I dovetailed and met another girl with a very similar name. A very pretty strawberry blonde. She is married though and 'supposedly' on the verge of leaving an abusive relationship. Great girl. She fell hard and fast. We were intimate only a few times and never really clicked in that department. She knew what I lacked in my previous relationship and I thought worked to hard to fill that spot. It just didn't feel 'genuine' to me....the sex part I mean. I also met a girl from OK too. We had some pretty deep conversations about life and love. That one had potential too....and then we met. She was one of those girls who DIDN'T look like her pictures. She always had that picture that was taken from above...so you couldn't see the extra chins. She was a very pretty girl in her pictures. In person...not so much so. Yuck is pretty much the word of the day when I met her. I drove 2 1/2 hours to see her. Oh well, you live and learn. Then I met my little Italian flame. WOW is all I can say! She is just as pretty as her pictures and genuine too! I will write more later about her...

MY GIVE A DAMN IS BROKEN...

2006-11-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

Is Venus still one of the planets? Ah...who cares. I used to know this girl, no, she was definately a woman, she was married for about 13 years. If memory serves, she had been with 1 or 2 men prior to getting married. The marriage ended with him cheating on her, with multiple women. After getting to know her, I wondered why. She was VERY sexually active. Maybe that was cuz it was new and fresh. I don't know. WOW...we did everything, everywhere...you name it, we did it. Forget it if she was stoned. She became an animal. There was this one night with her friend "Tommy"...I won't go there. Anyway, let me digress. Within a month of being divorced (or so she told me) she found her 1st "post marriage" lover. His name was Bill. Damn! How did I remember that? With her 1st out of the way, she moved on to number 2. His name was James. He was a scumbag trucker. He must've done something right, cuz he banged her for awhile (or so she told me). He ended up cheating on her too. Why? She couldn't figure that one out either. So, that very next weekend she decided to hit the club. She met a fella at the club and ended up going to the parking lot with him and blowing him. Conveniently, she always carried "spare" makeup in her glove compartment and made herself back up before going BACK into the club where she met another guy. He took her home (to his Moms house) and banged her all night. She got up the next morning and he happened to ask for her number. They dated for 3 months. Before he cheated on her, he decided to dump her 1st. She decided to go on a spree at this point. She met some dude that worked at Chili's and took him home, pulled down his pants and promptly told him to leave. She banged a black bodybuilder whom she said had a small dick and that she was disappointed in. She was partying at a local hotel when she ended up in another black mans room and she ended up just giving him head (or so she told me). There are about 4 other ones that I can't remember. Oh, wait, she told me about a guy with big dick that she drove about 2 hours to see, she blew him and he could'nt get it up again. Another disappointment. So, we are talking during the end of this (I met her in a "redheads" chatroom). We decide that we should finally meet. We were texting one another back and forth (1200 miles apart) one day (about 2 weeks before I'm supposed to go out there) and she's not responding to my texts. She finally calls me and says she is "car shopping". It was one of her favorite hobbies. Come to find out later, she fucked the owners son on his black leather couch just before talking to me. She blew the guy at the Peterbuilt dealer to get a hat. The only way to get a hat was if you bought a truck. She threw her legs behind her head for more than I can remember and more than she ever told me. I wish I had known, I would have never driven 1200 miles and fallen in love with her. She always said she felt empty after a one night stand. In my book, she was just a glorified PROSTITUE. She always said she was a player. Nope, just a PROSTITUE. Do I sound like a hater? I'm not if thats what you are thinking. That is the story of my life. Except for my EX, most every woman that I have had some kind of relationship with, is or was VERY sexually active. How do I find them? How do they find me? Do women like this have no respect for themselves? I have known a couple of other girls that were the same way. Actually it doesn't matter what I think at this point. As the song goes "MY GIVE A DAMN IS BROKEN!".

WHERE DO I START THIS?

2006-11-04T23:30:00.000-08:00

Where do I start this blog? I guess I can start it way back about June 20, 2006. I don't recall why I got so pissed at the end of the last blog. It doesn't really matter now. But, since then, I have shared her bed and gladly so. I have stayed within the parameters set by her. I will admit that it can be hard sometimes. We have experienced some very tender moments together. It's probably the closest I've come to making love with someone in a long time, in the classical sense of the word. I would like to think that we provide eachother with a few moments of special intimacy. I don't plan on pushing anything, as I quite like the arrangement we have going. But, she is actively looking for "someone" and tells me all the time that she is lonely. She invited me over last Saturday night for a "pizza and movie" date. We watched a horrible movie, but talked a lot and had our fun later in the evening. How do I feel about her? She knows. But, I hesitate to even mention it or give her the natural compliments that come along with being intimate with someone as her being of the female gender, can turn on me in a second LOL. Oh, I have told her she was "beautiful last night" or whatever...but don't go any further. I try to show her in other ways...in my touch or the way I kiss her. That is as far as I will go at this point. You create reality through perception. What do I percieve from her? I know I am special to her. In what way, I'm not sure. She allows me to share her bed...so I am happy about that. I had a weird dream recently. She wasn't actually in it. I showed up at her home and this fella came out and told me I wasn't wanted around anymore. The dream ended right there. You know, its funny...just before we had our 1st fallout I had said a prayer (I pray quite frequently) and asked the good Lord to give me some direction in regards to her. Within 2 days I felt things were getting a bit funky from her end and it ended. I tempted fate a few weeks ago and said the same prayer and things have been going pretty well. I'm going with the flow here. She forgave me for the things that went on. She is a good soul and I'm glad she did. I'm glad to have met her, whatever happens. I can't help thinking again about that Meatloaf song..."Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad". It goes like..."I want you, I need you, but I will never love you". Do I love her? I guess it's natural to love her on some level. If you share that kind of intimacy with someone...I thought about whispering it in her ear during one of those intimate moments, but didn't for fear that she would throw me the hell out LOL. She is a great person and I like her a lot. I'm glad that I can share the moments we do share and appreciate them for what they are. I honestly hope she finds what she is looking for...she deserves it.

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-06-19T22:25:00.000-07:00

BOY WAS I SURPRISED....as I looked at the computer screen and the question sat there, begging for the answer. What WAS the RIGHT answer? Yes...no? She asked how long would it take to get to her house. I said 15 minutes. She said OK. I knew it would take at least 20 as I needed to wash the days work off me as well as the surprise of the question presented. As I was taking my shower, I wondered what I would do, what I would say. I was invited over to perform a massage. What would it lead to, would it lead to anything. Only time would tell. I finally got dressed, got in the car and made my way through the lamplit streets to her house. I drove up slowly. The light was on out front. As I got to the door I knew it would be open. I opened the door to find the TV on and the familiar smell of incense. As I made my way to her bedroom I felt the nervousness welling up in me. I pushed open the door to find her lying on her back naked, with only the sheet covering her bottom half partially. A smile appeared on her face as I entered the room. I made my way around to the other side of the bed and sat down. She gently touched my arm and asked how I was. I said "fine" hoping she wouldn't see my nervousness. Finally after some small talk, she turned over and exposed her fully naked, lovely body to me. I grabbed the oil positioned on the night stand and put some in my hands and on her legs. As I began massaging her legs she seemed to relax. As I worked my way up her thigh, her legs spread subtly tempting me. I told myself I would make this massage last. I worked my way up her body. As I finished her back, I gently began running my fingertips gently down her back, butt and legs to see if I would get any reaction. As I got closer to her most intimate of areas, her hips gently moved from side to side, up and down, legs spreading ever slightly, inviting my fingers to gently massage "that" area. I slowly ran my fingers in between her thighs, immediately feeling her wetness. She moaned and her hips moved as well as I ran my fingers over her lips. I then stopped and told her to turn over. As she turned over her lovely legs spread wide exposing her nice, wet pussy for me. I quickly began massaging her legs again, this time the top. Her sweet pussy was calling me, begging me...I positioned myself between her legs now. As I began kissing the inside of her thigh I work my way down...I may or may not finish this, as I got some interesting news tonight. I won't even get into it....NOT FUCKING WORTH IT.

MAKEUP? MAYBE...

2006-06-07T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well...I'm sure "S" is expecting a slam here...but I thought I would update you all on the happenings between "S" and I. I want to let you know...I DID feel bad for what I did. Maybe I will share that some other time. Anyway...I felt bad and I contacted "S" by saying "still spreading your legs for every Tom, Dick and Harry?". She came back with some sort of barb and it went from there. I eventually apologized for everything. Her being the "sweet soul" that she is...she accepted my apology. At least I think she did. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't...but she appeared to. I wonder in the back of my mind if she had that popular saying inmind "keep your friends close, but enemies closer. I will never know. I tried to wiggle my way back into her life (or bed LOL), but she said she just wanted to be friends. That is the "death nell" for anyone, male or female. She said something about "wishing she felt that spark, but it's just not there". I liken it to that song "2 outta 3 ain't bad"...goes like this..."I want you, I need you...but I will never love you". I have that "nice guy" stigma attached to me. Oh well. I'm gonna give her a break for awhile...maybe she will invite me over to give her a massage sometime...LOL...right.

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-04-25T21:29:00.000-07:00

IT'S A SMALL WORLD...I was in getting my hair cut the other day...I saw some dude wearing some Oklahoma gear and was giving him some shit. There was a "flamer" in the back talking about being in the band or something and I'm praying I don't get him. After a few minutes a girl goes to the cash register and calls my name. WHEW! I told the OK freak he could have the "gay guy"...he says he has turned him down twice. So I sit down. The "stylist" and I began talking. I came up that we were from the same small town and that she had moved away in the 10th grade. She had gone to school with both of my younger brothers. On top of that...she moved about 1200 miles away and lived about 30 minutes from me in the same state at the same time. She says at the end of the haircut..."you could always ask me out for a beer sometime...". I didn't really say anything. I went to the cash register and paid and she handed me her card with her number on it. This new smile is paying dividends...

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-04-25T21:22:00.000-07:00

WOW! That is all I can say...I was in Houston, TX a few weeks ago (when we got that 12 inches of snow). I was there for a week. I ended up going out the last night I was there. I found a club down the street from the hotel and went in. I surveyed and didn't really see anyone my type so I began to drink and just watch people, which I like doing when I'm by myself. So, I'm sitting there watching a ballgame on the boob tube above the bar and this very cute lady sits down next to me and orders a drink. I've had a few at this point, so most of my inhabitions have gone by the wayside. I said hi and surprisingly she smiles and says hi back. I told her I was from out of state. She seemed to perk up when I told her this. We made more small talk and I found out she was 27 and Italian/Mexican. She was a bit small in the tittie department, but had the ass of Jennifer Lopez! During the course of the evening she moved closer and closer, to the point she was practically on my lap. At this point there was that "uncomfortable silence" so I leaned in and kissed her lightly on the lips. She didn't appear surprised and kissed me back deeply. I didn't care who was watching. We kissed for awhile. She then asked where my hotel was and if I wanted some company. I was surprised. I didn't say a word and grabbed her hand and led her outside. As soon as we got around the corner I pinned her up against the building and kissed her again letting my hands explore as I did. We went to my room...again...WOW! She had a beautiful figure. She stripped down to her red thong and offered me a massage. She was so good. Then after about 15 minutes of this...she abrubtly stopped and said "MY TURN! Do you want me to take my thong off?" I said "of course!" Her massage didn't last too long. I began with her feet and worked my way up to the inside of her thighs. As I was massaging ever closer to her...cough, cough...her ass pushed farther into the air...begging me if you will. I couldn't wait...I burried my face between her legs. She was going wild...I explored every part of her as she did me. We finally "merged"...let's just say we both ended the night with smiles on our faces. I fell asleep, but found her number and a note saying "call me if you are ever in town." I will honey...I will...

OH, WHAT A NIGHT!

2006-03-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

Wow...last night I got together with a couple friends and went to the "Playhouse". OMG! What a great place! Total nudity. It was great. Three stages...3 women on each stage. Very pretty ladies within inches of our faces letting it all hang out of course. Tall ones, short ones...of all shapes and sizes of course. Some prettier, some built better than others. We all had our favorites. My buddy B liked em' more slender with the "ittie bittie titties". I think my other buddy B just was happy to be there as he is going through a divorce at the moment and most likely hadn't seen women in that state of undress in awhile. Me...I like the bigger breasted women...brunette...big eyes. But...then again...I did get a "private" dance (for $35 I might add) with a tall, busty blonde. It was the 1st time I have ever felt FAKE breasts! Although the looked GREAT, I prefer natural ones myself...I think LOL. She asked me if I was itallian and commented that she love my smile...money well spent at the dentist recently. It was actually a fairly boring lap dance. But, I enjoyed hangin' with my friends and seeing a bunch of lovely ladies. There were a handful of women there also waiting for the dancers to come over to their side of the dance floor and show their wares for them. I was shocked to see each dancer pull up each of the ladies shirts and play with each set of breasts...even licking a few nipples here and there.

"Anonymus"...why the anonymus note? Why the email a few weeks ago? After all that we have been through...why are you still interested? Why don't you come clean and let me know. You know that I'm a nice guy...despite the past. Anyway...

TODAY...IN MY LIFE

2006-02-15T13:57:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I have been on here and posted. Not a whole lot going on right now. I did get my teeth fixed though. I'm gonna be 40 in September. I have to fix me now. I've neglected ME for far too long. I am motivated to do this. Let's see where I am in a year. My oldest son will be participating in the State wrestling tourney tomorrow. His opponent will be a kid who has won THREE state championships in a row and is going for his FOURTH. Pretty much an uphill battle I'm thinking. If my son believes in his abilities...he can be successful. We will see. My youngest is undefeated on the mat this season. He just overpowers kids. I harp on him about wrestling more and not just pinning them so quickly. He won't get any better wrestling this way. Valentines day came...and went. Nothing to report there...someday...

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-02-05T21:47:00.000-08:00

AND HER COMMENT WAS...

"ACTIONS speak LOUDER than words." That pretty much describes you...doesn't it? All you have to do is read below and you will determine that! You are a hypocrite and a liar. In conversations with me, R and R's alias...you were SO concerned about all of us thinking you were (are) a slut. Why? That should be a warning sign to ALL men that come in contact with you...STAY AWAY. You are bad news. I will be nice and remove your photo from here...but I DARE you to send this blog to your ex and your best friend. THEY "know the real me"?? Are you kidding me? You might share a lot with your best friend...NOT all of it. I'm sure your ex wouldn't be cheating with you again. I'm sure he would be disgusted at how far you have fallen. You are a SLUT and a POT HEAD. You said your ex is a manipulater...I think YOU should look in the mirror. YOU are NO fucking different. You were a waste of my time honey. I bid you adue'.

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-02-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

OH WELL...

Your comment about meeting a "nice guy" online was such BS. I did NOTHING but luv on you and treat you with respect. Here's what I think happened. You really started to get into me and pulled back cuz you didn't want a relationship. I could tell by your touch and your kiss. That is too bad. But, I don't blame you ultimatley. Not to sound mean...but I'm not sure you could handle my luv. It is intense and strong. You missed out on something good honey. Your loss. There, I'm done. Stay out of trouble...AND learn something from all of this. Have a nice life...I will.

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-02-04T21:21:00.000-08:00

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

It looks like my boy R has been up to NO GOOD lately...as well S the "seasoned slut". It appears he has an alias online somewhere. He was able to catch S's attention with another BIG dick picture. She fell for it hook, line and sinker. She invited him over for a late night "trist" last night based upon a conversation and a sensational dick picture. He said he found THREE different pictures of THREE different men and she believed they were of HIM! How gullible can you BE blondie?? R said that she wanted him BADLY! R certainly has a silver tongue LOL. He made up some story about him having herpes and she still sounded a bit interested but was MORE pissed she got stood up again. WOW is all I can say. He tried to say he was sorry and invite himself over but she said she "had a date" tonight. Let me see...she was going to bang him all night (but he had to be gone by 8am when her son changed for work) AND had a date set up for the next night??!! OMG!! I'm not sure the term "SEASONED SLUT" even fits any longer. He said she DID have a revelation and said she's not going to invite anyone over, that she was going to meet them 1st. Knock, knock...HELLO...McFly? He said she mentioned something about being "burned" by 3 guys with BIG dicks in the last few weeks. If you didn't act like a horny, leg humping dog when you see a BIG dick picture...it most likely WOULDN'T happen you WHORE!

KISS N' MAKEUP? I DON'T THINK SO...

2006-02-02T23:02:00.000-08:00

THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO...HMMM

Well BLONDIE...I remember quite distinctly, you talking major shit about your ex leaving your for a younger woman. THEN you allowed him to cheat on her with you AND letting me come over the next morning (afterward saying she made a mistake the night before) and fuck you. WOW...that in itself is pretty shitty all the way around. There is a trend I see. You cheated with your ex, your "pilot light lover" was in a LTR at the time AND your almost fucked a MARRIED MAN with NO REGARD for his wife or the ex's GF or your pilot light lovers GF (see previous post below). And...thats just what I KNOW about. Are there others? Yes my dear...you are a "SEASONED SLUT". You need to go look up the word MORAL in your dictionary dear. Enjoy your day.

THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE...AS IT WERE

2006-01-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

I WANT TO TELL YOU A STORY...

I want to talk about someone in my past that meant (means) something to me. I met her through a site I play around on now and again. I ended up really screwing it up. Anyway...we talked online for awhile. She always tried to come off as a hard ass woman who just wanted men for fun sex and that was it. I always threw out there that I could get her to love me if she gave me the chance. She invited me over a couples times but it was always late and she lives about an hour away. There was something about this girl that REALLY intrigued me. I ended up inviting myself over one afternoon. I walked in and was really struck by her simple beauty. Long, dark, curly auburn hair. Great smile and great big eyes. She had a pleasant and somewhat smokey voice also. We sat down and talked all afternoon. She showed me her "flash" work. It was awesome. It was time for me to go. I remember thinking...do I kiss her or not? I stopped at the door and kissed her. It was a simple kiss. I tried with that one kiss to let her know I was interested in getting to know her. She reciprocated. She later told me it's hard to find a man that kisses well. We continued to talk online and via the phone. I told her a lot about me (almost everything UNFORTUNATELY) and we had many talks about her life and times. It was going very well I thought. She invited me over one evening on a Friday. She told me the front door would be open and to just come to the bedroom. I was SO nervous. It had been a long time since I had been with someone and I wondered if I was up to the challenge. That hour drive seemed to go on forever. I finally got there and walked up to the door not knowing if it would really be open. I pulled on it and low and behold it opened. I quietly walked to her bedroom door all the while smelling something sweet in the air. I pushed her door open and saw all the candles lit throughout the room. I thought WOW...she listened to what I liked! There she was, laying there in her satin nightie...half asleep. She looked so sexy. I looked around the room and took it all in...the sights and the sensual smell of the candles burning. I disrobed and joined her in bed. She had a big thick comforter that felt very comfortable as I climbed in next to her. We layed there for a few minutes just snuggling and then began to kiss. Very nice, long, slow, deep, passionate kisses. We began to become one in that bed as we continued. We both enjoyed eachothers bodies that night. That was as close to "making love" with some as I had had in A LONG time. It was very sensual and passionate. We really seemed to be into one another and enjoyed the others company. We spooned for a long time that night. She even reverse spooned. I was in heaven. Why do I put this down in my blog? Well as I said in the beginning of this...I screwed it up by doing something REALLY stupid. I had done it as a joke to someone else but sent a random "flirt" to her and she took it (understandably) personal. I tried to apologize in vain, but to know avail. Then she hit me with the dagger. She said that she (did...past tense) REALLY like me. That comment went right through me. I was SO wounded. It felt like someone close to me had died. I tried to apologize again but she wouldn't hear it. I want to say for all the world to read...that I APOLOGIZE. It was never meant to hurt or bother you in any way, shape or form. I have missed you for so long, just to have you go away again...

2006-01-31T11:23:00.000-08:00

Here she is...the 19 year old in the story...HOT!

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

WOW...WAS THAT 2ND CONVERSATION GOOD OR WHAT?!

All I can say is it looks like R is one lucky dude! At least I think he is. She appeared to be a bit "slutty" don't ya think? Oh wait...she's 19 and not 50 like someone else on this blog. Ok...sorry...she's soon to be 48. She commented that she broke the CD's I made her. Is that the best you can do. Do you think that BOTHERS me? You didn't deserve them. I have looked at a lot of blogs in this particular system and none of them hold up to this one. This one is HOT! Anyway...I'm going to try to put a picture or 2 of the people you have read about here...edited of course...so be on the lookout and check back soon!

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-31T00:04:00.000-08:00

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION...AND BONUS CONVERSATION WHICH IS HOOOOTTT!!!!!!!

S (1/29/2006 11:56:11 PM): please dont' b playin me

Again with the "black" overtone...she is so whitebread it's not even funny.

S (1/29/2006 11:57:25 PM): y r u still there?
R (1/29/2006 11:57:52 PM): shut up HO...i'm talkin to my 19 year old bitch...goin over there..dont need no 50 year old skanky pussy thats fucked TOO many guys...AND lied to everyman she meets. I can't be bringin nothing home. I might catch something fuckin with you!
S (1/29/2006 11:58:04 PM): what?
S (1/29/2006 11:58:36 PM): r u fucking kidding me?
R (1/29/2006 11:59:03 PM): ...ever watch that 70's show? BURRRRNNNN!!!!!!!!!!
S (1/29/2006 11:59:12 PM): u fuckin asshole!!!

WHO was he talking to you ask....here she is and WOW!

SG (1/29/2006 11:22:22 PM): i didnt get home till 8am this morning, i'm feeling it too
R (1/29/2006 11:22:31 PM): get some? lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:22:48 PM): honestly
SG (1/29/2006 11:22:49 PM): yes
R (1/29/2006 11:22:59 PM): black guy?
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:02 PM): yes
R (1/29/2006 11:23:10 PM): big as me? lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:19 PM): NO WAY! Your the biggest I have EVER had baby!
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:23 PM): i have been with him before
R (1/29/2006 11:23:27 PM): lucky friend
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:28 PM): not as big as u
SG(1/29/2006 11:23:32 PM): he is big though
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:48 PM): i let my friend tiffany join us
SG (1/29/2006 11:23:49 PM): we had fun
R (1/29/2006 11:23:55 PM): OMG
R (1/29/2006 11:24:09 PM): fucked u both eh?
SG (1/29/2006 11:24:13 PM): yes
R (1/29/2006 11:24:18 PM): wow
SG (1/29/2006 11:24:23 PM): it was sexy
R (1/29/2006 11:24:30 PM): im sure it was
SG (1/29/2006 11:24:55 PM): and ran into trent and some of his friends
SG (1/29/2006 11:25:06 PM): after we left the club
SG (1/29/2006 11:25:31 PM): then we went back to trent's house
SG (1/29/2006 11:26:02 PM): it was like tif and i
SG (1/29/2006 11:26:03 PM): and 5 guys
SG (1/29/2006 11:26:03 PM): sitting around
SG (1/29/2006 11:26:03 PM): talking
SG (1/29/2006 11:26:05 PM): it was fun
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:17 PM): we drank some more beer
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:17 PM): did some shots
R (1/29/2006 11:27:28 PM): o
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:29 PM): we went in
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:34 PM): and went to the bathroom
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:50 PM): in trents room
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:50 PM): tiff and i
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:50 PM): and then trent came in
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:50 PM): started kissing me and we went and laid on his bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:55 PM): kissing
SG (1/29/2006 11:27:59 PM): and then tyrone
SG (1/29/2006 11:28:03 PM): went in bathroom with tiff
SG (1/29/2006 11:28:23 PM): and had her against the door
SG (1/29/2006 11:28:24 PM): was banging the door
SG (1/29/2006 11:28:24 PM): it got me really horny
R (1/29/2006 11:28:59 PM): sounds like a fun time
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:04 PM): yeah it was
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:08 PM): tiff didnt fuck in the bathroom
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:13 PM): they were just kissing
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:17 PM): and he was fingering her
R (1/29/2006 11:29:23 PM): wow
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:31 PM): had her against the door
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:31 PM): getting rough
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:31 PM): bangin the door
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:33 PM): made me horny as fuck
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:39 PM): rubbing his dick on her
R (1/29/2006 11:29:43 PM): makin me horny!
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:47 PM): well
SG (1/29/2006 11:29:51 PM): trent and i
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:04 PM): are layin on his bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:04 PM): making out
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:04 PM): listening to the bathroom
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:05 PM): then tyrone rushes out
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:09 PM): his babysitter had a problem
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:17 PM): and he had to end up leaving
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:23 PM): he is a single dad
R (1/29/2006 11:30:28 PM): sucks for him
R (1/29/2006 11:30:35 PM): that he had to leave i mean
SG (1/29/2006 11:30:37 PM): so he leaves
SG (1/29/2006 11:31:09 PM): i said come here
SG (1/29/2006 11:31:10 PM): and her pants were down
SG (1/29/2006 11:31:11 PM): so she layed down beside me in bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:32:20 PM): we were feelin good
SG (1/29/2006 11:32:25 PM): and trent is on top of me, kissing me
SG (1/29/2006 11:32:33 PM): and he kinda gets pissed
SG (1/29/2006 11:32:58 PM): trent was kissing my neck
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:02 PM): and grabbing me
R (1/29/2006 11:33:10 PM): ok
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:10 PM): trent said he wanted just me
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:13 PM): then i was like
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:16 PM): but tiffy's horny too
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:23 PM): and he just flowed with it
SG (1/29/2006 11:33:27 PM): one thing lead to another
R (1/29/2006 11:33:47 PM): WOW luckydude
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:19 PM): he was fingering us both at the same time
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:23 PM): two hands
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:29 PM): we were layin side by side
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:34 PM): suckin our tits
R (1/29/2006 11:34:38 PM): omg
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:51 PM): then he wanted to fuck
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:53 PM): he didnt have any condoms
SG (1/29/2006 11:34:54 PM): so
R (1/29/2006 11:34:58 PM): yes
SG (1/29/2006 11:35:00 PM): i said no
SG (1/29/2006 11:35:04 PM): tif was too drunk
SG (1/29/2006 11:35:05 PM): to say no
SG (1/29/2006 11:35:25 PM): so he got dressed
SG (1/29/2006 11:35:26 PM): and ran to walgreens
R (1/29/2006 11:36:57 PM): ppl r buggin me. some fuckin old skanky bitch it trying to talk to me. She wants some a this...lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:36:59 PM): oh
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:01 PM): i can let u go
R (1/29/2006 11:37:03 PM): had to hide..
R (1/29/2006 11:37:05 PM): no no
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:08 PM): no its ok
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:09 PM): i want to talk to u
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:10 PM): i understand
R (1/29/2006 11:37:18 PM): im NOT going anywhere...lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:35 PM): so anyways
R (1/29/2006 11:37:36 PM): ive waited to long to talk to u
SG (1/29/2006 11:37:48 PM): so finally trent comes back
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:07 PM): and tiff was already making out with nate
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:08 PM): and ceasar
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:08 PM): was hitting on me
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:08 PM): but i wanted trent
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:11 PM): so
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:15 PM): he grabs me
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:18 PM): and drags me back
SG (1/29/2006 11:38:21 PM): into his bedroom
R (1/29/2006 11:38:50 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:39:14 PM): so then he comes and gets on me
SG(1/29/2006 11:39:14 PM): kissing me
SG (1/29/2006 11:39:15 PM): and here comes tiff again
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:01 PM): she was really horny
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:07 PM): she crawls back in bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:20 PM): next to us
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:21 PM): and just lays there
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:21 PM): watching us kiss
R (1/29/2006 11:40:23 PM): and?
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:26 PM): then i grabbed her hands
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:30 PM): and made her touch us both
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:35 PM): put it on his dick
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:38 PM): and on my tits
R (1/29/2006 11:40:48 PM): im gettin hard now...lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:53 PM): then she started getting into it
SG (1/29/2006 11:40:53 PM): got me really wet
SG(1/29/2006 11:40:58 PM): it was so much fun
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:04 PM): so then he starts
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:07 PM): fingering us again
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:12 PM): then he's fingering her
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:15 PM): and taking it out
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:17 PM): and fingering me
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:32 PM): same fingers
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:32 PM): that made me really horny
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:32 PM): thinkin about her pussy juice in me
R (1/29/2006 11:41:38 PM): mmmmmmm
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:38 PM): we ended up fucking
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:41 PM): we both rode him
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:44 PM): tif was almost crying
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:48 PM): he was too big
R (1/29/2006 11:41:50 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:41:58 PM): she didnt last long
R (1/29/2006 11:42:07 PM): i bet she enjoyed it though!
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:11 PM): i was grabbing his dick
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:15 PM): and stroking it
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:20 PM): while she was riding him
R (1/29/2006 11:42:35 PM): she take it all on top??
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:36 PM): then i would feel her pussy
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:36 PM): when she sat down on it
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:36 PM): her pussy was so stretched
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:36 PM): i was rubbing it
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:41 PM): not all
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:47 PM): i would say maybe 2 inche
SG (1/29/2006 11:42:49 PM): still out
R (1/29/2006 11:42:54 PM): wow
R (1/29/2006 11:43:00 PM): and u?
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:09 PM): she isnt used to big dick
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:09 PM): then i got on top
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:12 PM): and fucked him
R(1/29/2006 11:43:20 PM): take it all in?
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:23 PM): oh yeah
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:28 PM): sat down on his balls
R (1/29/2006 11:43:32 PM): like a champ
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:32 PM): and fuckin bounced
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:35 PM): i loved it
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:50 PM): i have fucked him b4
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:50 PM): the first time
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:50 PM): it really hurt
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:50 PM): but u get used to it
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:50 PM): and more turned on
SG(1/29/2006 11:43:51 PM): each time
SG (1/29/2006 11:43:54 PM): it gets easier
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:06 PM): we both rode him
SG(1/29/2006 11:44:09 PM): then
R (1/29/2006 11:44:15 PM): now i am fully fucking aroused!
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:24 PM): we took his rubber off
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:24 PM): and we both sucked him
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:24 PM): at same time
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:29 PM): mmmmmmmmm
R (1/29/2006 11:44:34 PM): fuckin A
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:35 PM): i am really horny too
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:37 PM): thinkin about it
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:43 PM): i didnt think tiff liked giving head
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:48 PM): but she kinda did whatever i did
R (1/29/2006 11:44:49 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:44:50 PM): i got down
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:06 PM): and started sucking him
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:06 PM): and she came right down
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:06 PM): and licked his shaft
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:06 PM): and balls
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:06 PM): while i sucked
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:13 PM): it was fuckin hot
R (1/29/2006 11:45:17 PM): FUCK!
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:21 PM): so then
R (1/29/2006 11:45:25 PM): more?
R (1/29/2006 11:45:33 PM): damn girl!
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:38 PM): he put on another rubber
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:38 PM): and we got on our hands and knees
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:38 PM): side by side
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:38 PM): he fucked us both doggy
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:44 PM): oh yeah
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:46 PM): it aint over
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:47 PM): lol
SG(1/29/2006 11:45:52 PM): he fucked tiff first again
R (1/29/2006 11:45:55 PM): FUCK ME RUNNIN!
SG (1/29/2006 11:45:58 PM): she didnt last long
R (1/29/2006 11:46:04 PM): came quick?
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:12 PM): again
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:12 PM): her tits huge
SG(1/29/2006 11:46:12 PM): hangin down
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:13 PM): i was playing with them
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:18 PM): she didnt cum
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:19 PM): no i mean
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:24 PM): she couldn't take much
R (1/29/2006 11:46:25 PM): goes in DEEP from behind lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:29 PM): she kept tryin to crawl off his dick
R (1/29/2006 11:46:32 PM): she didnt cum?
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:45 PM): she started at end of bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:46 PM): and ended up with her head through the headboard
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:46 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:48 PM): no
R (1/29/2006 11:46:52 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:54 PM): i thought she did
R(1/29/2006 11:46:55 PM): hold on
SG (1/29/2006 11:46:57 PM): it sounded like it
R (1/29/2006 11:46:59 PM): hold on
SG (1/29/2006 11:48:46 PM): so we fuck doggy
R (1/29/2006 11:48:53 PM): so did she ever cum?
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:08 PM): no
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:08 PM): i thought she did
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:09 PM): she sounded like it
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:09 PM): but
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:10 PM): later she told me
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:11 PM): she didnt
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:15 PM): it hurt too much
R (1/29/2006 11:49:19 PM): LMAO
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:23 PM): so
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:27 PM): tiff gets up to pee
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:42 PM): and get dressed
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:42 PM): i try to get up
SG(1/29/2006 11:49:42 PM): he wont let me
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:43 PM): he told me he wanted me to stay
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:44 PM): all nite
SG(1/29/2006 11:49:45 PM): and sleep
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:46 PM): with him
R (1/29/2006 11:49:59 PM): did he cum?
SG (1/29/2006 11:49:59 PM): so
SG (1/29/2006 11:50:02 PM): yes
SG(1/29/2006 11:50:04 PM): 3 times
R(1/29/2006 11:50:08 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:50:09 PM): its not over yet
SG (1/29/2006 11:50:11 PM): lol
R (1/29/2006 11:50:13 PM): what??
R (1/29/2006 11:50:17 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:50:20 PM): that was just beginning
SG (1/29/2006 11:50:21 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:52:16 PM): we are kissing and cuddling
SG (1/29/2006 11:52:49 PM): then
SG (1/29/2006 11:52:49 PM): we really fucked
R (1/29/2006 11:52:50 PM): fuck some mo?
SG (1/29/2006 11:52:53 PM): god i came so fuckin hard
SG (1/29/2006 11:52:55 PM): yes
SG (1/29/2006 11:53:03 PM): he got me on my side
R (1/29/2006 11:53:07 PM): pounded u
SG (1/29/2006 11:53:08 PM): and fucked me hard
SG(1/29/2006 11:53:09 PM): rolled me overshyy_ on my tummy
SG (1/29/2006 11:53:23 PM): i reached back
SG (1/29/2006 11:53:27 PM): spread my cheeks so he could go deep
R (1/29/2006 11:53:32 PM): did u cum? i know u have a hard time...
SG (1/29/2006 11:53:38 PM): yesssssss
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:41 PM): so he has me
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:42 PM): on my belly
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:44 PM): face down
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:49 PM): fuckin me hard
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:52 PM): then i'm humpin
SG (1/29/2006 11:54:55 PM): my pussy and ass up
R (1/29/2006 11:55:07 PM): FUCK
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:11 PM): on his dick
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:14 PM): i'm like hanging half off the bed
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:14 PM): i have one hand on the floor
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:18 PM): so i can push up
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:19 PM): on his dick
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:22 PM): it was fuckin hot
R (1/29/2006 11:55:39 PM): im fuckin rock hard now
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:45 PM): then i have my hand on the wall
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:46 PM): so i fuck him good
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:46 PM): it felt so fuckin hot
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:47 PM): we both came
SG (1/29/2006 11:55:53 PM): he knows how to fuck
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:03 PM): i like to get down
R (1/29/2006 11:56:04 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:20 PM): i had my legs twisted up around squeezin him
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:22 PM): wrapped around him
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:26 PM): i am so fuckin sore
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:27 PM): today but fucking horny!
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:29 PM): lol
R (1/29/2006 11:56:53 PM): lol
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:53 PM): i was squeezin that pussy so hard around his cock
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:54 PM): he was fuckin shakin
SG (1/29/2006 11:56:56 PM): biting the back of my neck
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:01 PM): lickin my shoulders and back
R (1/29/2006 11:57:05 PM): mmm
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:08 PM): yeah
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:16 PM): having tiff
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:18 PM): was fun
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:21 PM): as in a warm up
R (1/29/2006 11:57:24 PM): im sure
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:25 PM): but being one on one
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:27 PM): i liked most
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:40 PM): we always have the best sex
SG (1/29/2006 11:57:56 PM): we are just fuck buddies
SG (1/29/2006 11:58:29 PM): after we got done fucking
SG (1/29/2006 11:58:30 PM): i went out in the living room
SG (1/29/2006 11:58:32 PM): and tiff was fuckin nate
SG (1/29/2006 11:58:35 PM): on the floor
SG (1/29/2006 11:58:40 PM): ok enough of me...when are coming over?
R (1/29/2006 11:59:03 PM): I will be over in a few minutes
SG (1/29/2006 12:00:13 PM): I will be ready, willing and able!

Wow is all I can say! R...you are the fucking man! Hope it was good...i'm sure it was better than some 50 year old with saggy titties and a droopy ass!

THE THRILLING CONCLUSION!

2006-01-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

WOULD SHE COME BACK FOR MORE AFTER ALL THE DRAMA?

Well kids...it was very interesting watching things play out as they did. S ended up being VERY predictable. She almost seemed like the horny male dog that can't control his hips when they are pumping when an "in heat" female is around. Y'know...the one that is annoying and wants to hump you leg? Here it is in all it's tittilating glory...and how it ended...enjoy!

S (1/29/2006 12:59:41 AM): what the hell is wrong with him?
R (1/29/2006 12:59:48 AM): i dont know
S (1/29/2006 12:59:55 AM): why in the world would he put that there
R (1/29/2006 12:59:56 AM): blog is very pointed
S (1/29/2006 1:00:01 AM): ya think?
R (1/29/2006 1:00:09 AM): thankfully no names though or places
S (1/29/2006 1:00:32 AM): well would u just let me know when u find out what's going on please?
R (1/29/2006 1:00:33 AM): ya must of hurt him
S (1/29/2006 1:00:46 AM): i'm sure i did, i dont care, i want u
S (1/29/2006 1:01:17 AM): he makes me sounds like such a bitch and a whore and now u are starting to believe him

Ok...at this point...our boy R has put her through the ringer...calling her a HO and really berating her. YET, she still comes back for more! R has a "silver tongue" for sure...look...she is SO WORRIED that R is going to believe him. She doesn't want R to think she's a WHORE. OMG...this is too good!

R (1/29/2006 1:01:26 AM): i didnt say that
S (1/29/2006 1:01:39 AM): no, but i wouldn't blame u
R (1/29/2006 1:01:41 AM): you said to me to distance myself...right?
R (1/29/2006 1:01:44 AM): should i?
S (1/29/2006 1:01:55 AM): NO i like you

S (1/29/2006 1:04:56 AM): i'll leave u alone
S (1/29/2006 1:04:59 AM): i only say hi once
S (1/29/2006 1:05:06 AM): i had been talking to him for a long time
S (1/29/2006 1:05:13 AM): and putting him off bcuz I knew he knew B
S (1/29/2006 1:05:23 AM): i didn't meet him until i broke it off w/B

Well...ANOTHER lie. The guy she is talking about is the guy she met LAST FRIDAY night. S and I went our seperate ways the Wednesday AFTER she banged him at her house...at HIS admission...anyway

R (1/29/2006 10:15:21 PM): i will take your lack of being on...as you dont want to talk
R (1/29/2006 10:15:28 PM): is that what you want?
S (1/29/2006 10:24:03 PM): no, it's not what i want. just have friends that stopped by and are in the middle of some drama
S (1/29/2006 10:24:17 PM): they will leave soon
R (1/29/2006 10:24:20 PM): oic
R (1/29/2006 10:24:22 PM): k
S (1/29/2006 10:24:27 PM): wil u b on later?
R (1/29/2006 10:24:31 PM): yes
S (1/29/2006 10:24:32 PM): k
S (1/29/2006 10:24:37 PM): BIG kiss smiley appeared here...

S (1/29/2006 10:55:16 PM): dont' go anywhere
S (1/29/2006 10:55:21 PM): dripping smiley
R (1/29/2006 10:55:36 PM): k
S(1/29/2006 10:55:51 PM): 3 dripping smileys
S (1/29/2006 10:55:57 PM): dripping
R (1/29/2006 10:56:11 PM): no your not
S (1/29/2006 10:56:46 PM): not yet, but i will b
S (1/29/2006 10:58:17 PM): actually, the thought of being with u does scare me a little
S (1/29/2006 10:58:19 PM): should it?
R (1/29/2006 11:04:53 PM): why should it scare you?
S (1/29/2006 11:05:32 PM): well u r huge, and u r also a mutual aqaintance (?) and don't know if that's gonna come back 2 bite me in the ass
S (1/29/2006 11:05:55 PM): must admit, i'm very intrigued
R (1/29/2006 11:06:08 PM): yes im huge but im not telling anyone...i have too much to lose babe
S (1/29/2006 11:06:17 PM): not just with your cock,, but with U
R (1/29/2006 11:06:27 PM): why with me?
S (1/29/2006 11:06:32 PM): i may fall in love with a cock like that
S (1/29/2006 11:06:36 PM): i find U and your cock intriguing
R (1/29/2006 11:06:42 PM): don't fall in love with my cock lol
S (1/29/2006 11:06:45 PM): my curiousity is aroused
S (1/29/2006 11:07:23 PM): u said u would smoke a blunt with me tonight
S (1/29/2006 11:07:33 PM): i smoked a blutn with a couple of friends
R (1/29/2006 11:07:35 PM): yes right here with me
S (1/29/2006 11:07:46 PM): but my friend is still here
S (1/29/2006 11:07:50 PM): should b leaving soon
R (1/29/2006 11:07:52 PM): o
S (1/29/2006 11:08:00 PM): u up 4 a while?
R (1/29/2006 11:08:08 PM): yes
R (1/29/2006 11:08:10 PM): lol
R (1/29/2006 11:09:06 PM): tell me what intrigues you about me more so than my cock
S (1/29/2006 11:09:16 PM): i've never, ever been with anyone like u
S (1/29/2006 11:09:26 PM): and even though we went thru all that shit, u r still talking 2 me
S (1/29/2006 11:09:40 PM): so u must b intrigued 2
R (1/29/2006 11:09:42 PM): and u...me
R (1/29/2006 11:09:43 PM): yes
S (1/29/2006 11:10:14 PM): i've never been with a black man
S (1/29/2006 11:10:24 PM): u have never been w/someone my age
R (1/29/2006 11:10:29 PM): nope
S (1/29/2006 11:10:30 PM): maybe we need that notch
S (1/29/2006 11:10:33 PM): is that bad?
R (1/29/2006 11:10:45 PM): not at all baby, I'm looking forward to sliding my 11inces DEEP inside you...
S (1/29/2006 11:10:55 PM): i think that maybe we could have fun
S (1/29/2006 11:10:58 PM): YES I want EVERY fucking inch of that black cock burried in me!
R (1/29/2006 11:11:06 PM): i KNOW we can have FUN
S (1/29/2006 11:11:07 PM): BIG smiley face
s (1/29/2006 11:11:17 PM): I am so WET right now I cant stand it!
S (1/29/2006 11:11:20 PM): and u already know where i am
R (1/29/2006 11:11:23 PM): lol
S (1/29/2006 11:11:27 PM): 2 dripping smiley faces
R (1/29/2006 11:11:32 PM): yes i do
S (1/29/2006 11:11:38 PM): i'll let u know when they leave
S (1/29/2006 11:11:43 PM): i have nice clean sheets
S (1/29/2006 11:11:45 PM): mmmmmmmmmmm
S (1/29/2006 11:11:52 PM): BIG smiley face
R (1/29/2006 11:12:13 PM): we will certainly dirty them 3 or 4 times....or MORE, you will need to change them after we are done honey!
S (1/29/2006 11:12:19 PM): ya think?
S (1/29/2006 11:12:28 PM): k, i'll hit u back when they leave

Listen to her trying to sound a bit black...OMG..."i'll hit u back..." what joke!

S (1/29/2006 11:12:35 PM): i know just what i'm gonna wear
S (1/29/2006 11:12:45 PM): have 2 put the dog away
R (1/29/2006 11:12:46 PM): what?
S (1/29/2006 11:12:49 PM): not telling
S (1/29/2006 11:12:52 PM): surprise
S (1/29/2006 11:12:55 PM): but it's silk
R (1/29/2006 11:12:56 PM): k
R (1/29/2006 11:12:59 PM): MMM
R (1/29/2006 11:13:04 PM): love silk
R (1/29/2006 11:13:22 PM): ever listen to music when you fuck?
R (1/29/2006 11:14:11 PM): cant listen to cuntry though and get into a good groove LOL
S (1/29/2006 11:14:29 PM): i have some FM
R (1/29/2006 11:14:33 PM): what?
S (1/29/2006 11:14:35 PM): fuck music
R (1/29/2006 11:14:42 PM): what kind? lol
S (1/29/2006 11:14:43 PM): u will like it

Again...with the "you will like it cuz it's black music" thing...LMFAO

R (1/29/2006 11:14:49 PM): tell me
S (1/29/2006 11:14:51 PM): take my word
S (1/29/2006 11:14:59 PM): i dont' even know whatit is for sure
R (1/29/2006 11:15:00 PM): black music?
S (1/29/2006 11:15:02 PM): but it's pretty hot
S (1/29/2006 11:15:03 PM): yes
S (1/29/2006 11:15:06 PM): He made it for me
S (1/29/2006 11:15:08 PM): LOL

Ya..."WTF?"...ya fucking whore

R (1/29/2006 11:15:13 PM): WTF?????????
S (1/29/2006 11:15:15 PM): said never to play it with anyoen else
R (1/29/2006 11:15:25 PM): lol
S (1/29/2006 11:15:35 PM): i'll let u know when they leave
R (1/29/2006 11:15:35 PM): im sure it sucks...lol
S (1/29/2006 11:15:51 PM): no, it's actually surprisingly good
S (1/29/2006 11:16:02 PM): no barry white but still.....
S (1/29/2006 11:16:05 PM): lol
S (1/29/2006 11:16:06 PM): he must have a bit of good taste..lol
S (1/29/2006 11:16:17 PM): in music and women
R (1/29/2006 11:16:20 PM): have a good groove?
S (1/29/2006 11:16:33 PM): not bad
S (1/29/2006 11:16:33 PM): 4 fucking
R (1/29/2006 11:16:39 PM): smiley face
S (1/29/2006 11:16:53 PM): smiley face
S (1/29/2006 11:16:57 PM): BIG smiley face
S (1/29/2006 11:17:10 PM): think u can put a smile on my face?
R (1/29/2006 11:17:11 PM): u wet already with anticipation?
S (1/29/2006 11:17:16 PM): derr
R (1/29/2006 11:17:35 PM): an all night smile luv
S (1/29/2006 11:17:37 PM): i've heard about this cock 4 2 long
R (1/29/2006 11:17:43 PM): LMAO
S (1/29/2006 11:17:44 PM): i want 2 experience it
S (1/29/2006 11:17:51 PM): prove it baby
R (1/29/2006 11:18:02 PM): you KNOW i will
S (1/29/2006 11:18:03 PM): show me what u got
S (1/29/2006 11:18:41 PM): i'll bling u when they leave
R (1/29/2006 11:18:45 PM): k
S (1/29/2006 11:32:57 PM): they left
S (1/29/2006 11:33:01 PM):
S (1/29/2006 11:33:45 PM): so do u still have directions?
R (1/29/2006 11:33:51 PM): yes
S (1/29/2006 11:34:00 PM): can we still smoke a little, THEN fuck all night long? I want you to wear this wet pussy out. I'm not going to let you leave until I am DONE!
R (1/29/2006 11:34:06 PM): I am fucking hard right NOW!
S (1/29/2006 11:34:13 PM): ok, i'll put the dog away
S (1/29/2006 11:34:18 PM): see you and my and my new favorite cock soon
S (1/29/2006 11:34:48 PM): i'll b waiting
S (1/29/2006 11:34:54 PM): can't take longer than 15
S (1/29/2006 11:35:02 PM): do u think i'm a slut?
R (1/29/2006 11:35:08 PM): no why
R (1/29/2006 11:35:17 PM): no ill be right there baby
S (1/29/2006 11:35:24 PM): then get the fuck over here with your weed and your cock
R (1/29/2006 11:35:34 PM): ok
R (1/29/2006 11:35:44 PM): keep your panties on!
S (1/29/2006 11:35:44 PM): i'm getting ready
R (1/29/2006 11:35:46 PM): lol
S (1/29/2006 11:35:52 PM): i thoguht u wanted them off
R (1/29/2006 11:36:01 PM): yes of course
R (1/29/2006 11:36:02 PM): lol
S (1/29/2006 11:36:04 PM): k
S (1/29/2006 11:36:12 PM): GET OVER HERE
R (1/29/2006 11:36:32 PM): leaving now
S (1/29/2006 11:36:38 PM): cool

Ok..I bet your on the couch wondering if he did indeed go over there and fuck the shit out her. You will have to wait until later...

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-28T23:11:00.000-08:00

I'M GOING TO END THIS CHAPTER AND SAY...

LET IT GO! Why did I post this stuff you ask? (I could post a lot more conversations if I was THAT mean) I wanted to make a point to YOU...S...what you do is fuck with men...literally AND figuratively. And...more importantly...you put THEM and you at risk. You invite men over for late night trists in the dark not knowing who they are or where their dick has been and expect those actions NEVER to catch up with you? Really...consider this the least of what could happen to you. There are no names or places posted here for anyone to check into. You got off easy in some peoples eyes I'm sure...STD's, rapists and other bad things AND people are out there. This will most likely be the last time I post anything about anyone involved in this situation. I didn't intend to hurt...just to point out....

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-28T12:47:00.000-08:00

ALL I CAN SAY IS...WOW...AGAIN!!!

I found out today...that a mutual person the both S and I know was over there last Friday bangin' her when she told me it was an OLD booty call...someone she had known for a couple years. That makes lie number 3..or is it FUCKING FOUR!? I REALLY don't care at this point. I warned the dude that he should not expect to be the only "horse in the barn" if ya know what I'm saying. I even told him about R. This fella asked me to keep it between us. He is a grade school teacher. I can only assume it would be bad if someone found out about his association with A.. . Although that there are supposedly millions of people on the site...I'm sure it's not one to be shared at the coffee machine in the morning. I don't stand in judgement of anyone as I live in a glass house myself sometimes. I CAN BE disappointed in peoples actions when they effect me in some way, shape or form. Just my humble, dumb guy opinion. I can be disappointed that S is a slut because she effected me for a short period. Lord knows that in todays age of STD's...she is a prime candidate for catching one. She must not care...more later.

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-28T06:26:00.000-08:00

LET ME SHARE THIS TOO...

This is from the VERY 1st convo between S and R. Enjoy!

R (1/16/2006 4:11:32 PM): was going thru my archives and saw that u just wanted to see my dick...i thought..lets talk...and see what happens...
S (1/16/2006 4:12:34 PM): ok, lets talk, no harm in that
R (1/16/2006 4:12:53 PM): no...
R (1/16/2006 4:12:58 PM): if i remember right...u had a problem with married men? still hold true?
S (1/16/2006 4:13:16 PM): yes, only because i was married to someone like that
S (1/16/2006 4:13:29 PM): and i'm not crazy about being the other women (yet she bangs MULTIPLE GUYS???!!!)
R (1/16/2006 4:13:36 PM): oh
S (1/16/2006 4:13:42 PM): only cuz my X soured me!!! LOL (why the LOL?)
R (1/16/2006 4:13:47 PM): LOL (important question NEXT...and OUT is given..she can cut and run...will she??)
R (1/16/2006 4:13:59 PM): so where do we go from here knowing that?
S (1/16/2006 4:14:29 PM): well we can chat and see!
R (1/16/2006 4:14:50 PM): ever been with a black man?
S (1/16/2006 4:14:54 PM): no
R 1/16/2006 4:15:11 PM): ever been with someone almost 11 inches?
R (1/16/2006 4:15:14 PM): and...could u take that?
S (1/16/2006 4:15:26 PM): never....I don't know
S (1/16/2006 4:16:05 PM): i remember that u were going to cheat with another married woman
R (1/16/2006 4:16:11 PM): almost did
S (1/16/2006 4:16:18 PM): could she handle u?
R (1/16/2006 4:16:31 PM): she chickened out...
R (1/16/2006 4:16:54 PM): i got about 4 inches in her and she stopped me lol
S (1/16/2006 4:17:08 PM): I wouldnt do that! ;)
S (1/16/2006 4:18:28 PM): have u ever found someone that can take it all?
R (1/16/2006 4:18:48 PM): not all the way...just about though
R (1/16/2006 4:19:22 PM): u give head?
S (1/16/2006 4:19:42 PM): i love giving oral, but not sure if my mouth is that big!! LOL
R (1/16/2006 4:19:47 PM): lol
S (1/16/2006 4:19:55 PM): so is that really frustrating?
R (1/16/2006 4:20:02 PM): it has been
R (1/16/2006 4:20:12 PM): tittie fuck?
S (1/16/2006 4:20:17 PM): hell yes! i have nice boobs!! LOL
S (1/16/2006 4:20:49 PM): i get very very wet also, so that might help
S (1/16/2006 4:24:23 PM): are u free tonight?
R (1/16/2006 4:24:33 PM): to come over? YES...what time and where? lol
S (1/16/2006 4:25:06 PM): where is your wife?
R (1/16/2006 4:25:14 PM): she works nights
S (1/16/2006 4:25:18 PM): i live in bellevue, near the base
S (1/16/2006 4:25:34 PM): have to make sure my son isn't coming home tonight, then maybe i'll be free
R (1/16/2006 4:28:38 PM): i just want to get DEEP in that pussy
S (1/16/2006 4:29:20 PM): well that won't be to hard....
R (1/16/2006 4:29:39 PM): hopefully i will be TOO HARD
S (1/16/2006 4:29:56 PM): well yes......
R (1/16/2006 4:31:12 PM): you know what? this is too easy...whats the catch?
S (1/16/2006 4:31:24 PM): what?
R (1/16/2006 4:31:33 PM): this has been too easy...lol
S (1/16/2006 4:31:43 PM): we have talked before and i was intrigued by u then
S (1/16/2006 4:32:42 PM): i know what i want and i don't play games
R (1/16/2006 4:39:26 PM): how about 10+ as big as your forearm going in your pussy
S (1/16/2006 4:39:38 PM): can't even imagine
S (1/16/2006 4:39:42 PM): but i'm curious
S (1/16/2006 4:39:52 PM): gotta make sure kyle won't be home
S (1/16/2006 4:39:59 PM): it will be later, maybe 8 or so??
R (1/16/2006 4:40:05 PM): maybe
S (1/16/2006 4:41:25 PM): then again...you are too easy...no challenge
S (1/16/2006 4:41:39 PM): fine, bye then
S (1/16/2006 4:41:43 PM): LOL
R (1/16/2006 4:41:56 PM): what is the LOL for...
S (1/16/2006 4:41:57 PM): i just know what interests me
R (1/16/2006 4:42:02 PM): what is that?
S (1/16/2006 4:42:15 PM): we have talked b4 and that's why it's ez

This convo is from 3 days later....talk about being treated like SHIT and coming back for more!!

R (1/19/2006 11:19:25 PM): i bet if i said i wanted to come over and bone u u would say YES!
S (1/19/2006 11:19:37 PM): nope
R (1/19/2006 11:19:41 PM): liar
S (1/19/2006 11:19:44 PM): u wish
R (1/19/2006 11:19:52 PM): i know u want this big fuckin black cock
S (1/19/2006 11:20:08 PM): u r alone at 11:20?
R (1/19/2006 11:20:17 PM): wife works nights remember?
S (1/19/2006 11:20:23 PM): yep
S (1/19/2006 11:20:34 PM): so u could have somethin goin on right now
R (1/19/2006 11:20:43 PM): i dont
S (1/19/2006 11:20:53 PM): obviously, u r talking 2 me
R (1/19/2006 11:20:56 PM): lol
S (1/19/2006 11:21:10 PM): the bottom of the barrel and everything?
R (1/19/2006 11:21:14 PM): if NO I will go, not to bother you
S (1/19/2006 11:21:25 PM): what r u asking?
R (1/19/2006 11:21:36 PM): im NOT asking anything
S (1/19/2006 11:21:45 PM): well you said if no...i didn't ask a ?
R (1/19/2006 11:21:53 PM): you are the one that wants this
S (1/19/2006 11:22:02 PM): whatever u have 2 tell yourself
R (1/19/2006 11:22:06 PM): lol
S (1/19/2006 11:22:21 PM): it's hard 2 admit u r intrigued
S (1/19/2006 11:22:45 PM): i'm a well seasoned woman...i know what i want...and i don't play games
R (1/19/2006 11:22:54 PM): what do u want?
R (1/19/2006 11:23:30 PM): anyway i dont have time for this or u
R (1/19/2006 11:23:32 PM): bye
S (1/19/2006 11:23:37 PM): bye
S (1/19/2006 11:23:53 PM): busy schedule, huh?
S (1/19/2006 11:27:38 PM): so why r u such an asshole?
R (1/19/2006 11:33:51 PM): you talkin to me?
S (1/19/2006 11:34:03 PM): no
R (1/19/2006 11:34:04 PM): i quess cuz i can be...lol
S (1/19/2006 11:34:08 PM): i know...pisses me off
S (1/19/2006 11:34:21 PM): why should u b able 2?
R (1/19/2006 11:34:46 PM): 10+ inches ALLOWS me to be!
S (1/19/2006 11:35:05 PM): whatever
S (1/19/2006 11:35:10 PM): be choosy, sleep alone
R (1/19/2006 11:35:23 PM): you love to be treated like SHIT dont you?
S (1/19/2006 11:35:27 PM): no
R (1/19/2006 11:35:35 PM): sleep alone? are you sleeping alone?
S (1/19/2006 11:35:47 PM): tonight i am...but not always
S (1/19/2006 11:36:14 PM): your dick isn't the problem, it's your head
R (1/19/2006 11:36:32 PM): it could be in you if you were a bit nicer
S (1/19/2006 11:36:48 PM): i'm nice, u r the one who isnt
R (1/19/2006 11:37:27 PM): do want some a me or what?
S (1/19/2006 11:37:35 PM): well if i say yes, i lose
S (1/19/2006 11:37:39 PM): FAIL
R (1/19/2006 11:37:54 PM): ill give you a second chance
S (1/19/2006 11:38:03 PM): oh gee thanks
S (1/19/2006 11:38:16 PM): y cuz youre horny and no other prospects?
R (1/19/2006 11:38:33 PM): cuz im horny
S (1/19/2006 11:38:45 PM): what r u asking?
R (1/19/2006 11:38:48 PM): are you horny?
S (1/19/2006 11:38:52 PM): always
R (1/19/2006 11:39:01 PM): yes or no
S (1/19/2006 11:39:05 PM): yes
S (1/19/2006 11:42:32 PM): i have 2 take a bath, will u still b here?
R (1/19/2006 11:42:49 PM): i can be on my way...how long is a bath take?
S (1/19/2006 11:43:01 PM): but it will take me 15 min
R (1/19/2006 11:43:08 PM): ill take my time
S (1/19/2006 11:43:22 PM): r u gonna fuck with me and not show up?
R (1/19/2006 11:43:32 PM): why would i do that
S (1/19/2006 11:44:16 PM): give me at least 20 min

There it is...in most all of its glory. Good girl right? Will she invite him over on Sunday? Wait n' see...

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-28T01:07:00.000-08:00

WOW IS ALL I CAN SAY...
Well S didn't renew my faith in women. She told me EMPHATICALLY that she would NEVER talk to him again...read below

S (1/26/2006 10:36:40 PM): after finding out what he is really like, i would give him the time of day!
S (1/26/2006 10:36:46 PM): i don't care what he looks like or how big his cock is!

BUT...read tonights entry sent to me by R...

S (1/28/2006 12:09:21 AM): we could talk, maybe but no more
S (1/28/2006 12:09:26 AM): couldn't risk that again
S (1/28/2006 12:11:04 AM): letting u sweet talk me
S (1/28/2006 12:11:31 AM): and then shit on me!!!

Then she got BACK on...

R (1/28/2006 1:18:34 AM): get it? (sent a picture)
S (1/28/2006 1:19:03 AM): my goodness
R (1/28/2006 1:20:19 AM): u like then?
S (1/28/2006 1:20:24 AM): yes!!
S (1/28/2006 1:20:33 AM): u r very nice looking
R (1/28/2006 1:20:37 AM): tyvm
S (1/28/2006 1:25:48 AM): u said u were looking 4 your first white girl
R (1/28/2006 1:25:52 AM): yes
S (1/28/2006 1:25:55 AM): which is not true of course
R (1/28/2006 1:26:00 AM): no i was
S (1/28/2006 1:26:18 AM): and we talked and i didn't like that u r married
S (1/28/2006 1:27:01 AM): and i think i ultimately sort of offered to help u out
S (1/28/2006 1:27:17 AM): you could say that...lol

He sent her another picture...

S (1/28/2006 1:40:37 AM): i saved it the last time
R (1/28/2006 1:40:51 AM): for future reference?
R (1/28/2006 1:41:01 AM): or to show yor gf's?
S (1/28/2006 1:41:01 AM): definitely
R (1/28/2006 1:41:02 AM): lol
S (1/28/2006 1:41:08 AM): just for me!
S (1/28/2006 1:41:12 AM): i'm not admitting to anyone
R (1/28/2006 1:41:14 AM): bigger in person babe
S (1/28/2006 1:41:48 AM): lol
S (1/28/2006 1:41:49 AM): well there are only a couple i might tell ( i won't)
S (1/28/2006 1:42:27 AM): they would be pissed at me if they knew i was talking 2 u
R (1/28/2006 1:42:42 AM): dont want to ruin your life over a big dick
S (1/28/2006 1:42:52 AM): my life won't be ruined
S (1/28/2006 1:43:02 AM): i may not be able to walk 4 days
S (1/28/2006 1:44:08 AM): there is a thin line between curiosity/fear
R (1/28/2006 1:44:14 AM): lol
S (1/28/2006 1:44:23 AM): do u normally have 2 use lubrication?
R (1/28/2006 1:44:28 AM): i will be gental
R (1/28/2006 1:44:30 AM): yes
R (1/28/2006 1:44:42 AM): generally they are dripping with anticipation if u know what i mean
S (1/28/2006 1:46:11 AM): i'm usually dripping down my legs
R (1/28/2006 1:46:21 AM): REALLY?
S (1/28/2006 1:46:28 AM): yes
S (1/28/2006 1:57:50 AM): it's huge
R (1/28/2006 1:58:01 AM): you wanted it the 1st time u laid eyes on it didnt u?
R (1/28/2006 1:58:12 AM): tell me
S (1/28/2006 1:58:14 AM) YES!
S (1/28/2006 1:58:21 AM): so do u sleep late in the morning with your wife?
R (1/28/2006 1:58:42 AM): depends on how long ive stayed up
R (1/28/2006 1:59:04 AM): does that bother u?
S (1/28/2006 1:59:39 AM): only to make me feel bad
S (1/28/2006 1:59:49 AM): cuz i know how she will feel when she finds out
S (1/28/2006 1:59:51 AM): been there
R (1/28/2006 1:59:58 AM): then dont
S (1/28/2006 2:00:10 AM): don't what?
R (1/28/2006 2:00:13 AM): dont do it
S (1/28/2006 2:00:24 AM): well i'm still thinking about it
S (1/28/2006 2:01:19 AM): if u had shown up the other night, things would be very different
R (1/28/2006 2:01:29 AM): i KNOW the would
S (1/28/2006 2:01:39 AM): everything was smooth
S (1/28/2006 2:01:42 AM): fresh out the bath shaven smellin pretty
S (1/28/2006 2:01:57 AM): had on a silk pajama shirt...and nothing else
S (1/28/2006 2:05:10 AM): u can never, ever say anything 2 him
R (1/28/2006 2:05:18 AM): i wont BELIEVE ME
S (1/28/2006 2:05:29 AM): i don't want 2 b with him, but i don't want to crush him either
S (1/28/2006 2:05:36 AM): he's a very sweet guy
S (1/28/2006 2:05:38 AM): almost too nice
S (1/28/2006 2:05:46 AM): no, actually too nice
R (1/28/2006 2:13:10 AM): love to cum on someones ass...
S (1/28/2006 2:13:18 AM): that works 4 me
R (1/28/2006 2:13:18 AM): then spread it all over...sliding my finger in their ass slowly...causing another orgasm
S (1/28/2006 2:13:44 AM): a big one...earthquakes...with aftershocks!!
S (1/28/2006 2:22:42 AM): sunday night...they wont' be here
R (1/28/2006 2:22:54 AM): k
S (1/28/2006 2:23:05 AM): she goes to work at 11?
R (1/28/2006 2:23:11 AM): 1030
S (1/28/2006 2:23:21 AM): k...until then.....GO TO SLEEP!

So...what would you think of S? I'll leave that up to you...

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-27T08:32:00.000-08:00

TODAY'S ANOTHER DAY

Well...as I predicted...I threw out the line "I think we have run our course" and she OBVIOUSLY agreed. I had told myself earlier in the day that if she didn't invite me over that evening that I was going to end it right then and there. I'm too old to be fucking chasing ANYBODY no matter how good the pussy might be! We had a long discussion about her black "friend" R that she had denied before. She has lied to me a lot more than she will admit I'm thinking. Doesn't matter now. She admitted to have gotten FUCKED last Friday night after telling me SHE WAS GOING TO BED....FUCKING EARLY. What a crock of FUCKING SHIT! Anyway...reminds me of trying to get ahold of M the week before I was supposed to go out there July 4th weekend. She called me from the car dealership owners cell phone in a vehicle that she was "test driving" AFTER he bent her over the black leather couch. I didn't hear about that until M wanted to sting me with it later that year. Both are so similar in so many ways...I'm ok with both. Surprisingly content with my decision to not see S anymore. Too fucking old to be worrying about a 47 year old woman and WHO she is sleeping with. Y'know what was funny...as mad as she was at me telling her that I know R and that he was supposed to come over blah, blah...there was a fleck of curiosity STILL there for R. It blew my mind. She said she would block him...YA FUCKING RIGHT! She said she's been burned lately on the A.. site and shut down her profile. I don't have the time nor energy to even look. I'm sure she has enough boy toys to keep her happy. She has a small window to get this (fucking) done before she hits the downward spiral...so I can't blame her for anything. I will say...I met someone J's coworkers the other day...they told her that I looked young! Maybe there is hope for my sorry ass. I will be getting my teeth fixed and am buying a family pass to the YMCA. I'm NOT going to end up old and by myself! I had a one sided discussion with J last night about that. Didn't sit well with her at all. Not going there just yet....

MY THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE

2006-01-25T22:49:00.000-08:00

ANOTHER DAY GONE...talked to S again tonight. I honestly think she is trying to avoid me. I feel strongly (as she put it) is looking for the "next big thing". So...I am pulling back. Threw out a few flirts today...probably will go nowhere. It's like finding a needle in the haystack. Laid in bed last night after writing my 1st blog for an hour thinking about the women in my life.

I have had one true love. I really had to work hard for it. If I could change anything it would be all the people I hurt...namely my son's. They are my world...my reason for getting up in the morning and putting one foot in front of the other and living. I loved M so passionately. It was so special. Would we still be together if I was there? I KNOW we would. But...I gave her up. Had to...she could find someone else...my boys couldn't find another Dad. I'm so glad (almost) I did that. I would've missed out on everything! BUT, If I could bottle the feelings I had for M...Bill Gates...watch out! I miss the stupid stuff we shared...lying in front of the TV naked watching a movie...holding hands...going to brunch on Sundays...those 2 hour naps afterwards...and yes...walking around Walmart. She was a good girl...big heart...way to flirty for me (LOL aren't ALL beautiful women?) Lot's of drama surrounded us though...mainly due to my ex always intruding! We both fought hard for it. I am saddened to this day that we aren't together. IF I was able to have my sons and be in AR...we would be there to this day. One big happy family! Speaking of family. She has the best family. I really loved her Mom. Special lady. She went out of her way for me too many times. I am sorry I burnt that bridge. Her brother and I had a lot in common also. I often wonder what influence I would have had on Kenny (yes I know his name isn't that...Anthony has a friend w/the same name..and they call him Kenny) and Rhi. I'm sure she would have called me Dad at some point. It breaks my heart to think back to the last few days I was there. We went to a parade in town and Rhi wanted to sit with me...it was a bonding moment. I blew it though...I still love M on some level. Will we meet again? Only God knows as the ol' Kid Rock song go's...

Getting back to S....I know people who have talked to her....online. He didn't tell me EVERYTHING, BUT he WAS invited over sight unseen. We had discussed A.. (a site for people looking for sex) before jokingly...and I had told him about S...and he took it upon himself to "flirt" with her. Said he felt guilty the 1st time...then contacted her AGAIN after I had told him we had finally met and had a good time. He "said" he didn't go over. Do I believe him? BUT...I had a convo with S a couple days after and she told me she didn't like black men. Well...if the are supposedley 10 inches, she was interested enough to take a shower @ midnight and wait for him to come over. In some ways I can't blame her for wanting to "try something new"...but she said she has been honest with me...she HASN'T. Oh well...what to do...I think MOST attractive (or not) women, single or married, are willing to sleep around. Hell...S told me she's NOT a paying customer on A.. but she goes on EVERYDAY! You don't go on EVERY DAY when not a paying customer and actively looking for men. Come one...she MUST think that I'm BLONDE too! More later...

TODAY IN MY LIFE

2006-01-24T21:54:00.000-08:00

Well...today in my life...where do I start? I spoke to my "friend" S tonight. We had quite the interesting convo! Should I talk about it here? I don't know...ah...who cares! I like her. Great girl. Very pleasing to be around...giggles a lot...earthy...great kisser...very affectionate and a good lover too! She isn't in a place to share her feelings...which I'm ok with. She doesn't believe that. She was with ONE person for 31 years! OMG! That is a lifetime. She is divorced (as I am) and has had her "pilot light lover". I'm actually GLAD I wasn't that guy...BUT...I am jealous too. We will see where this goes...if anywhere. I will enjoy the moments we have spent and will spend together and appreciate them for what they are. She reminds me a lot of M...except M was 30 when she went through this. Both made (and are making up for) lost time and lost........sex? Best way I can put it. I know that I'm NOT the only one in S's bed. She is the only one I am with now...but I can't expect the same from her of course. She has 31 years to make up for LOL. I am built differently though. As I think about it...there are a lot of parralells between the 2 and I find myself doing some of the same things (again!). Why am I doing this again? I have NO clue as to the outcome. I expect that I will push (again) @ some point and she will push me away. Do I want this and NOT know it? I wonder.........